If you see Jezebel in the road, run the bitch down – Part II

TRIGGER WARNING: This post contains copious amounts of sarcasm, which is yet another tool of the Patriarchy, and the author’s assertion of his Male Privilege.

We have already covered an article here about how Jezebel, an online feminist publication that focuses on pop culture, promoted violence against men. [See Paul Elam’s, If You See Jezebel in the Road, Run the Bitch Down.] They asked readers to share their oh-so-hilarious stories of when they’d wailed on their husbands or boyfriends, for whatever reason.  In one case, it was because the guy said he thought that he had breast cancer (newsflash: Men actually CAN get breast cancer.  Look up Brian Piccolo.)  In another case, it was because her boyfriend caught her writing a sex story about herself and another guy, and he confronted her about it.

Well, as if we needed any more proof that feminism promotes violence, Jezebel published an article (translation: they lifted it from somebody’s blog and published it as their own) in which a woman tells about the time she hit a man in the face.

The author, who is a lesbian, talks about a time she was walking through the streets of Boston and had a bunch of drunken frat boys whooping and hollering at her and her girlfriend.  They said such soul-destroying things as “Hey, you girls wanna sleep with me tonight?”, “Hey, baby,” and “Ooooh!”  Normally, this woman just took it in stride.

Then, the unthinkable happened.  A guy stepped out and spoke directly to her.  Can you imagine the horror?  She was so shocked by this act, she doesn’t even remember what he said to her.  So, she did what any rational human being would do when being addressed by a stranger: she punched him in the face, then acted totally surprised when it made him so angry, he called her a “fucking dyke,” which is a totally heinous hate crime that should have earned him a lifetime in prison.

What’s most revealing about the mindset of your typical Jezebel isn’t that this article was published on their site at all, it’s the comments underneath.  If you don’t have time to read them, I’ll sum a few up.  “I applaud you for standing up for yourself and women everywhere.”  “You did the right thing.”  “This’ll teach men to watch themselves.”  “Men have no idea what it’s like for us.”

Really?  Nerdy guys don’t know what it’s like to be called names or threatened with violence?  Gay men don’t know what it’s like to hear homophobic slurs?  Men never feel any fear walking alone at night, despite the proven fact that they are far more likely to be assaulted than women?

No, you don’t understand.  This guy was saying things to her.  SAYING things!  She was well within her rights to hit him, because women are such delicate, fragile flowers that can’t bear to have anything about them challenged in any way, shape, or form.  If a woman punches a man for a crude remark that she can’t even remember, that’s perfectly fine, because she was just lashing out against the Patriarchy, and doing her part to help end Rape Culture.

Yours truly tried to point out the hypocrisy here by posting a hypothetical situation in which all the same things happened, only the sexes of the parties involved were reversed.  Needless to say, this little stunt got me banned from Jezebel for life.  I’m not surprised, and I’m not angry about it.  I should have remembered that, like sarcasm and harassment, logic is a tool of the Patriarchy.

Feminists keep insisting that, barring reproductive capabilities, men and women are completely the same.  Well, except for when there’s violence involved.  Then it’s always the man’s fault, especially if it was the woman who threw the punch.  He is, after all, a part of the all-consuming patriarchy, and nothing that he does or experiences could ever make him otherwise.

So take note, men: if you ever dare to say something to a woman that she doesn’t like, she is well within her rights to hit you, and she’ll be right to do so.

You filthy, sexist pigs.


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