The happy feminist

I nicked my finger on a tiny bit of broken glass today. The experience of an unexpected small cut is nearly universal: the shock of pain and the reflexive flinch occuring so close together that they seem simultaneous, the quick relief that no blood is flowing, and then the feeling of disappointment and yes, fear, when after a moment’s lapse the bleeding begins in earnest.

This real-world momentary gap in time between cut and blood flow is important – contrast it with a faked or “special effects” injury like one might see in a theatrical medical production: the sequence of events is distorted from reality; the blood flows instantly (no delay) from the touch point of the scalpel’s cut, and then stops flowing as soon as the point passes off the skin.

Spotting a fake can be as simple as noticing a tiny detail like this that seems off somehow, even if the quiet alarm bell in your head isn’t well explained. The timing of blood flow is but one example.

One of the effects of the age of television and the decline of father parenting is that our skills at detecting emotional manipulation have been truncated. For example, it has been recognized for decades but rarely taught today that a smile on the lips with no wrinkles (crow’s feet) around the eyes is a faked smile designed to manipulate you – only the best actors can feign a real eye-smile. The actor Morgan Freeman in particular can act both a “real” smile and a feigned smile to perfection – in the movie “Red”, his display of both types of smile is breathtaking but only if you know what to look for.

John Hembling (JtO, John the Other) touched on this issue briefly back in October with his video “Let me see your victim face” but he neglected to describe a real vs faked smile – John’s smiles were clearly affected but the smiles of the feminist faux victims were “real” in the sense that they were deriving actual pleasure from lying about their supposed fears and injuries – their smiles tattle on their lying claims of hurt. Well, to be fair, you can’t really tell with Rebecca Watson – she hides her eyes so well with her wretched glasses and hair that the nature of her glee is indeterminate.

Compared to fake blood and fake smiles, spotting a fake feminist ought to be easy. A genuine feminist, if such a thing can exist, must by necessity be like Rebecca Watson in an Irish elevator – the most tortured, wretched, oppressed, threatened perpetual victim that has ever existed.

Because of their mindless devotion to the omnipotent divinity of Patriarchy Theory and his bastard son, Rape Culture, born of the reluctant virgin Watson via some ghostly Irishman spirit, feminists must exist in an eternal nightmare world of physical pain, emotional terror and micro-brutalities that make Auschwitz look like a Carnival Cruise. OK, bad example, but you get my point – a true feminist – one who adheres to the standard teachings of feminism – can never, ever, be happy, or experience any sort of pleasure at all, or else…Not a feminist.

Don’t believe me? Try googling “happy feminist” some time. At the time of this writing, I found these:

The Happy Feminist Blog. She lasted a whole year, from April 2006-April 2007, and after promising that “I will definitely be back to regular posting on Monday April 16”, POOF, she was gone.

“Happy” feminism – notice the scare quotes. The second reference to “happy feminist” rejects the term outright.

“I post (mostly) good feminist news” Like the Sandy Hook elementary school killings. Rape in the military. Happy, happy. Joy, joy.

I could go on, but you get the point. There can be no happiness, ever, for women in feminism. A happy feminist is a shitty feminist, at best – even her orgasms and extended lifespan only sharpen and prolong her suffering, somehow.

A woman who takes joy in the health, love, and growth of her children? Not a feminist.

A woman CEO who takes validation and personal satisfaction from the success of her company? Not a feminist – and how DARE she demolish patriarchy theory by succeeding in a man’s world? Most women CEOs of Fortune 500 companies depart after 2 years or less – of the 15 women CEOs in 2010, 9 were gone by 2012.

A woman who is secure enough in herself that she can acknowledge that some laws and practices discriminate against men in favor of women?


We can rail against the so-called male feminists, manginas and white knights all we want and it will only challenge them to fight harder against us. We’re all men; we love challenges.

But if we can prove that their feminism is making women miserable FOREVER – and by design? This is the real challenge of gender equality – can we let women grow in intelligence and accomplishment by setting them free of the feminist expectation of female victimhood?

We became men by fighting and overcoming our own challenges. Challenge makes men stronger – do we disrespect women so much that we cannot grant them the same opportunity to advance through their own success in overcoming challenge without our interference?

So to the male feminists I say – it is ok for you to let women find their own happiness by dropping their feminism, and yours, too. As much as you might hate other men, you do want women to actually be happy, right?

Feminism: the philosophy that happy, long-lived women are stupid and oppressed and need to made miserable and equal to men, who also suck.

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