Shamus Tacticus: A Field Guide

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Welcome to ‘Shamus Tacticus: A field Guide.’ My name is Typhonblue and today I will be presenting a somewhat rarified and fascinating specimen of the species Shamus Tacticus—colloquially known as ‘the Shaming Tactic.’

Without further ado, I present today’s shaming tactic.

Men use women as masturbation sleeves.

This shaming tactic can be employed in plural: All, most or many men use women as masturbation sleeves or in singular, one particular man is using women as masturbation sleeves.
This particular Shamus Tacticus arises out of cross-pollination between several subspecies:

  • Shamus Virilius Violentus—male sexuality is innately degrading to female.
  • Shamus Objecticus—men routinely view attractive women as sexual objects rather then as sexy subjects.
  • Feminius Alluricus – An inflated belief in the attractiveness of women.

Gentle audience, pull on your laboratory gloves and get out your scalpels, because we are going to dissect this specimen of Shamus Tacticus.

First we look at its inheritance from the subspecies listed above.

This particular shaming tactic relies for its power on Shamus Virilius Violentus—the idea that a man can ‘use’ a woman sexually without her simultaneously using him as well. This concept rests on a foundational belief that men take sex from women, that their sexuality degrades women and thus that their sexuality is a form of violence done to women.

It is refined by Shamus Objecticus—the belief that men are somehow prone to viewing attractive women as objects rather then women who are sexually attractive. We can see the evidence of this in how human males, when encountering human females in a mating arena, will simply select their chosen female partner and remove her from the area as one would a consumable from a store. No courtship, no attempt at seduction, no proof of worth on the part of the male, not even a word exchanged.

It is further reinforced by Feminius Alluricus— The belief the female body is so fantastically attractive to the male that the complete absence of movement, interest or engagement in a female sexual partner does not cause him to wilt faster then a plastic bag in a blast furnace.

Now that we’ve examined the taxonomy of this particular Shamus Tacticus, let’s look at its anatomy directly and observe its uniquely nuanced self-contradiction.

If a woman were no better then a masturbation sleeve, why wouldn’t the man actually use a masturbation sleeve? He doesn’t have to seduce it, pay for its meal or risk it giving him an STD. What this is actually saying is that the man has just had crappy sex that’s, when you count in the additional costs of sex, worse then masturbation. His partner, apparently, still got sex out of the deal. Net win for her. Or, if she was using him as a masturbation aid, then… at most this is a lose-lose for both of them. Go back to your vibrators and fleshlights, I suppose.

In conclusion, since it’s not possible for a man to use an active, involved female sex partner as a masturbation sleeve because she’s, well, active and involved, what this Shamus Tacticus actually is saying is that men somehow degrade women because women are bad at sex.

I hope you enjoyed this installment of ‘Deconstructing Shaming Tactics.’ Thank you for listening; please tune in next time, when we will present another weapon in the endless arsenal of Shamus Tacticus.

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