Those of you who know me also know that I used to identify as a feminist – not a radfem, but nevertheless, a feminist.
Here’s just a few of the things that made me change the philosophy that would direct my life and encourage other women to do the same.
My friend Oliver Bingham said to me: “It is not very pro-female of radical feminists to convince and cajole these women that they have no agency and therefore no power.” Very true, dearest Oliver. They try to make you think that you have power – but in reality you are only allowing yourself to be ruled according to their constraints. They don’t really want you to think for yourself – they want you to memorize their dogma and live by it. If you dare to disagree or criticize or question, then you come up against the most aggressive, vile, and deadly, dangerous creatures on earth: the angry female. If there are women reading this and I have disconcerted you with my description of some of our debauched attributes, don’t think too harshly of me, for I truly love being a woman and I wouldn’t change that for anything. I love women – I just don’t like the choices that many of us have chosen, or brainwashed/indoctrinated to accept as truth.
My journey away from the feminist programming actually began as a child – with my father, no less. He taught me to think for myself and to follow my own instincts as to where and what I should do with my life – regardless of what anyone else should try to persuade or compel me to do or think – and that included him. My dad was the most wonderful, intelligent, strong, loving and giving man I have ever had the honor and privilege to know. Even as a child, if I disagreed with him or his rules, I was encouraged to respectfully but aggressively argue my point. If I did a good job – then the rules were either changed or relaxed. I suppose it was his influence that also caused me to be more comfortable around men than I am around women. (And no – I am not a lesbian.)
I first became suspicious of the feminist movement way back in the 80’s when I decided to have a child. I was promptly and unceremoniously alerted that this was the first step in becoming a slave to my husband and a deserter to the cause of advancing the position of women in the world. WHAT??!!! I just wanted to have a child!!! Even then, identifying as a feminist, I felt that having a child was the epitome of womanhood – the ultimate accomplishment.
Then, many years later, and still partly under the influence of the feminist persuasion, I became interested in prisoner advocacy. Of course, as you are all well aware, how many men versus women are in our criminal (in)justice system. So it came to be that most of my advocacy fell upon me helping the very fiends that my feminist “friends” had been warning me about for over a decade. (“Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!”) Unacceptable! I was going to be working to help men who were abusers and rapists!!
This is where my dad’s teachings once again kicked in: “Yes – this is what I am going to do – whether you chickies like it or not! See ya around sister.”
In 2002 I officially became a Prisoner Advocate and soon afterwards, an Anti-Death Penalty Activist. I learned a lot of things about men through these incarcerated men with whom I work and try to help. From an essay I wrote previously:
- I learned that I was not always the final word.
- I learned that I could have had a much harder life.
- I learned that each scar I have is an extension of a lesson I was destined to learn.
- I learned that blood was not always thicker than water – but in the end the liquid didn’t matter.
- I learned that it is never smart to chase a rabbit down a rabbit hole.
- I realized that I was a woman not many could identify with.
- I realized that I was a mother to more than those I birthed.
- I realized if the world had just a little more love in it things might actually get better.
- I realized I was not the only nut in the Cracker Jack box, but I would not have it any other way.
- I started to accept myself for who I am and realize that’s what I have to want to be.
- I started to move past the “what ifs” and focus on the “now’s.”
These men were NOT monsters! They were human beings who had fallen into misfortune either by being misled by others or themselves.
Skip ahead a few years, and still somewhat under the influence–January of 2012, to be most precise–I ran across a comment on a Facebook page that offended me. (How dare this man speak such lies about women!) So, me being me, I sent him a private message and told him that I did not like what he was saying and that I would like to discuss it with him. And thus began my introduction to the Pro-Male Movement – Masculinism, to be more precise. He and I had a LONG discussion about why he was saying these things about feminism, i.e.: oppression of men, domestic violence initiated by females, male rape, alimony, child support, parental alienation, false allegations by women, etc.
I listened. I opened my mind – and he opened my eyes.
Unfortunately, this man and I have parted ways due to a disagreement – not having anything to do with feminism. I did not, however, let our disagreement come between my continuing to learn about the true damage that feminism has done to the relationships between men and women.
I am still learning – still absorbing – still making my own decisions on what I think about it all. None of you in the Pro-Male Movement have tried to force me into making these changes in my way of thinking. Indeed – many of you have been understandably suspicious – and still are. That’s fine with me – I have nothing to prove to anyone. I have chosen, on my own, how I feel about what I am doing. And I fully admit that I am not, by any means, the perfect, faultless Pro-Male Advocate/Activist. I am still, after all (and unashamedly) a woman.
So feminists – I do love one thing that you taught me: “I am woman – hear me roar” – against you and the destruction that you have brought and still continue to bring along with the hatred, lies, and filth that you propagate! You lied to me (to us) and now the joke is on you because even without feminism, I am empowered – thanks to the men in my life.
And guys – like me or not – trust me or not, I’m here and I like what I am doing and I plan to be around for a long, long time.