Following are status reports for various men’s rights projects currently underway around the world.
For MRA eyes only.
In Paul We Trust.
Operation Make Me A Sammich!
Our plans to get all women back in to the kitchen barefoot and pregnant have run in to some delays. Destroying the entire world’s supply of women’s shoes has proven more difficult than originally anticipated. We are continuing to work on the problem. Since most women’s shoes are made by child slaves in the developing world we’re working on infiltrating the factories with midgets.
Fortunately the technology to allow aerial spraying to impregnate all women is showing promise.
Our agents operating undercover are having great success passing as feminists. It turns out that the strange hair colours sported by feminists represent relationship status within the feminist collective. The last feMRA we sent in had hair colour that was announcing she was in a relationship with three demisexuals and a tortoise. This elevated her status significantly and she’s now treasurer for her local Marxist-feminist commune.
We’ve successfully convinced the world that the Cave of the Patriarchs is named after some old Jewish dudes rather than the leaders of the global men’s rights conspiracy. Great work from the propaganda team
working out of Bilderberg.
Female Agency Reduction Tool
Initial testing of the prototype device was carried out at ICMI17. All rabid Australian feminists in the vicinity of the venue were directed to go home and do cross stich.
A year on and a portable version is being tested. The portable version appears to be a pair of regular reading glasses. When the man uses his male gaze while wearing the device the woman loses all agency. So no change then. Work on the portable version continues.
Mind Control Training
Classes in neurolinguistic programming and other word salad are scheduled for next month. Once an MRA passes the course he should be able to disarm even the most rigorous of academic thinkers.
We no longer use the Phased Array Ultraslow Learning Apparatus as it just caused confusion.
Our plans to build an army of robot Paul Elams is on track. At nearly 8′ tall these lifesize copies of Paul Elam will be able to crush any opposition when we finally send them on to the streets. Unfortunately Paul had to miss ICMI18 recently as he was needed in the lab to put the final touches on the robot exteriors.
Just like the real Paul Elam the robots will be able to shoot lasers from their eyes.
Once the robot army has been put to work we plan to replace all world governments with a Shadowy Cabal of Faceless Men. Applications for membership in the Shadowy Cabal are still open. Successful applicants will need to look sinister while sitting in a darkened room. Ability to inspire fear by smoking a cigar highly regarded.
Kommandant der Albernheit
The author advises this article was inspired by a hit piece about ICMI18 on VICE. — Ed