The day before Hillary’s stunning defeat, the New York Slimes ran a triumphalist article celebrating her putative victory and denigrating loser white men as being “unevolved.” Jill Filipovic authored this condign hubris, a lawyer (via affirmative action?) who is writing a book entitled, I kid you not, The H Spot: The Feminist Pursuit of Happiness as if feminism-n-happiness could ever be a thing when feminists exist in a permanent state of rage.
The disastrously blind article concluded thus:
Every feminist I know will tell you that men bring much more to the table than physical strength or a paycheck, and that we would love a world in which men were free to be resilient and tender, ambitious and nurturing, expressive and emotional.
Donald Trump may not agree. But women make up half the country, and since we aren’t going back in time, the same men who have long been hostile to feminism should consider coming along with us. I suspect for a lot of men, a more equal America — one with fewer cultural rules about how a man should be, and more avenues to identity and respect — would be a pretty great America to live in.
So, for men, the choice was a “pretty great” land filled with corpulent, angry feminist hags and girly men or an actually great land with the daughters of Melania and Ivanka as well as men who preferred to achieve and not cultivate Zinnia.
Still, as feminists continue to grapple with a President-elect who has declared their political correctness to be “a waste or time,” I feel it is important of me, as a man, to continue to support feminist efforts unquestioningly as I did in my last article, Helping feminists win the Presidency.
First off, as with any feminist article, I must talk about myself before I get into my arguments. This is a hallmark of “identity politics” that values skin color and genitalia over facts and reason.
I now identify not as a male feminist ally but rather as a “feminist booster.” A feminist booster’s job is to support without reservation the voices and strategies of feminists. This is in contrast with a “male feminist ally,” whose job is to advocate for feminism in the desperate hope of getting laid or, at least, surviving longer when feminists begin their “extinction of men” plans.
Note the suffix “ster” on “booster.” In medieval times, the children of single professional women (you know, the women feminists don’t think existed) were named with this suffix: a single woman baker’s sons were dubbed Baxters. An unmarried woman weaver birthed Websters. An unmarried brewer of beer had Brewsters. In modern times, the bastards of hippy women are known as “hipsters.”
And I am a Booster. After my boozy mother, maybe?
For those concerned, I am still an MRA and a MGTOW: I both advocate for men’s human rights and I eschew social/romantic relationships with women. My feminist boosterism is a natural adjunct to these positions: by raising the self-esteem of feminists to ever more titanic levels, I believe I can help them duplicate and perpetuate their electoral success of United States elections of 2016. You go, grrrls.
Now, I felt some regret over my last article because, even though I boosted 11 distinct areas of feminist concern, I was not inclusive enough in that I overlooked other feminist gambits that also deserve equal waxing.
So, relax, my dear dude-bros, as I wake you to the lived experiences of real world feminists and why boosting them will make your life better. Or, perhaps, your wake a bit drunker.
Items 1 – 11 in the original article can be found here.
- Rather than changing women, keep telling men THEY are the ones who need to change. Even though women demand their male sexual partners be strong and flush with resources, men can be taught to ignore what hot women want if only feminists nag them hard enough. Jill’s article belittling unevolved men is a great example of how evolution works – instead of reproducing sexually, men would rather hook up with feminists. Somehow this is supposed to work.
- Keep reclaiming your girly roots. According to the New York Crimes, restrictive, sexy garments like the corset are the future of feminism. This, and high heels worn in the kitchen and nursery will help those you call “breeder women” forget about your unfortunate history of abortions and shaming men for their natural sexual desires.
- Keep trusting celebrities to spread your message. A recent analysis of 6,000 people outlined the corrosive effect of celebrities using feminism as a brand enhancement. This study, however, used math, a tool of the patriarchy, and so you should reject it. Leave educational outreach to the pretty people – your time is precious and that ice cream in the freezer is not going to eat itself.
- Keep embracing a dual sexual standard: demonize men for their sexual aggression, and celebrate women for theirs. While women voters for Trump dismissed his sexual peccadilloes, the idea that socially enforced male purity and female licentiousness will carry feminists to victory is a sure way to smash the patriarchy. Women just love men who reject them sexually – you can tell by the red faces, epithets and rape hoaxes a scorned woman tosses about that male purity is a winner.
- Keep forcing faulty policies into law. Sweden’s failed experiment with feminist snow-plowing proved that even the silliest feminist legislation can hurt the patriarchy by damaging the society that men built. By destroying patriarchal society you can achieve the paradise of mud huts and starvation where all genders can suffer equally in squalor.
- Keep hiding feminist books. Emma “#HeForShe” Watson has taken to hiding feminist books in the subways of London, and everyday feminists can empower themselves by hiding their own feminist books in sewers, culverts, furnaces, construction sites, family courts, battlefields, and homeless shelters where forgotten men can learn about their privilege and how wretched they are for it.
- Keep calling attractive women “pseudo-feminists” and insisting that real feminists are hefty. Ivanka’s site is festooned with pictures of size 0 Caucasian Manhattan women, holding signs that say “Women Who Work…never give up!” and “Women who work Multitask!”. There are, obviously, no signs by women with size 16 hips, living in remote Louisiana saying “Women who work need abortion!” or “Women who work need to be not threatened with deportation” – from here. Dividing women into hostile camps based on sexual attractiveness cannot help but bring the true message of feminism into clear focus.
As time goes on, I hope to continue my feminist boosterism until everyone can see the truth about this delightful ideology. My apologies if I failed to include your own deserving branch of feminism – I will not rest until all of you know what it feels like to be boosted.
It feels great to serve as their booster chair.
