Ah, custodial mothers, undoubtedly a topic of much angst with many readers of A Voice For Men. However, I do not intend to turn this article into a diatribe against the world’s mothers as some may suspect. Actually, I do not think any negative or visceral writing I could pen here today could come as close to making a point about custodial mothers than where I intend to go with this article.
I would also like to extend a nod to the many custodial mothers who are a part of the Men’s Human Rights Movement, those mothers who made the conscious decision to either turn their back on feminist ideology and made sure that the father of their children were equally included in their kids’ lives, or those mothers here supporting us today that have male children who most likely are experiencing hell in the family courts (or soon will be).
My story starts twelve years ago when my first daughter was born and I found myself in a precarious position in her life as a putative father (father not married to the mother) and instantly found myself excessively denigrated by a family court system that has a long history of hurting legal fathers, but does so with great furor to fathers who are not married to the mother.
Needless to say, I was turned into an obligatory non-custodial father in the blink of an eye and handed my sentence of visitor four days a month. Being a new father, I figured the world wasn’t such a bad place and figured the custodial mother would be happy that I wanted to be an equal parent in the child’s life; to nurture, care for, feed, bathe, clean, and be involved in every part of her life.
Unfortunately, I was wrong. For the first six years, the custodial mother followed the court ordered visitation to the tee and life was hell. By age eight, the mother was giving me more and more time with the child and by age ten we eventually went to the courts and hammered out the perfect 50/50 shared parenting agreement that continues in effect today. I also must say that I realize I do not have it as bad as most of you here, although one may suspect so given that I am a tireless advocate for fathers in their quest to become equal parents in their kids’ lives.
Actually, some of you may be surprised to learn that I am also a custodial father of a female child who is very young, and one who demands that the court give the mother 50/50 time even though the law won’t allow it in North Carolina.
So where am I going with this post?
Custodial Mothers of the world, be careful in your exhaustive activism for unequal family courts, for thou may seal the fate of your male children.
Today, another child was born in North Carolina, one who will be lumped into statistics as yet another child who came into the world with a loving mother and putative father. Before anyone gets excited, no this is not my newest child, the child is actually the grandchild of the custodial mother I mentioned in the opening of this article.
Now, I suspect many of you are grinning from ear to ear knowing exactly where I am going with this, and you could not be more right. Although, I do want to say that while I should be enjoying the hell out of this, sitting back smoking a cigar and laughing my ass off, I need to control that and remember that this young man has the potential to have his life shattered if the relationship with the child’s mother does not go as planned. But, I am not as nice as many of you may suspect and I am going to take a moment to, with great verbosity and enjoyment, scream from the rooftops…
CUSTODIAL MOTHER KARMA!
Why? Today I watched a Mother, a woman who did everything possible in the first six years of my daughters life to make sure I was nothing more than a marginalized payment provider to HER child became a staunch and very aggressive father’s rights advocate for HER SON who is now a newly minted putative father and did so in the blink of an eye.
Today I watched this former custodial mother fight with nursing staff wanting to know WHY the child did not have the last name of her son, and could not fathom their legal response that in North Carolina he is not a father because he is not married to the mother. When told that her son could sign an “affidavit of parentage” before leaving the hospital which would give him some legal rights IF the default custodial mother of this baby agreed to it, my former custodial mother had a look on her face that I will never forget, and the words will probably stick with me till death.
Grandma (former custodial mother of my child): “What the hell do you mean he can sign a piece of paper? My son is this child’s FATHER!”
Nursing Staff: “Ma’am, I understand, but by law he can’t be considered the father unless the mother allows him to sign this affidavit”
Grandma: “Will this put his name on the birth certificate?”
Nursing Staff: “No Ma’am, this is just a NC Department of Health and Human Services form that they give us to have fathers sign in these circumstances (preparation for child support proceedings just in case). He will have to contact an attorney in order to establish legal rights..”
Grandma: “Are your F’ing kidding me?!?!”
Of course I, having lived this side of hell, sat back, watched, and could have told her all this, but I digress…
What Custodial Mothers AND FEMINIST CO-CONSPIRATORS Can Learn From This Article
Right now, in every corner of this planet, there are soon to be mothers and custodial mothers in a furious fight to maintain their position as supreme lord over their children and who will have no part in the father joining her at the throne. These mothers can be found over on Jezebel, Feministing, BlogHer, and A Circle of Moms conspiring with other mommies about how bad their ex-husbands or boyfriends are and what they can do to make sure he never sees the light of day again. All of this, while they have a male child feeding from their nipple and looking at him in wonderment.
Little do any of these mothers realize, roughly 50% of the worlds militant custodial mothers have male children whom they are working diligently to make sure that he, as a father, will be summarily kicked in the ass by the custodial mother in his life and the family courts. And who, will likely be standing in a hospital or court room one day screaming to high hell about how her son is a father dammit!
All I can do is again say: CUSTODIAL MOTHER KARMA!
But I do have a wonderful message for these mothers, a message that your feminist leaders forgot to tell you when they took your money at fundraisers or put pictures in front of your face of beaten and bloody women claiming that this would be you if the father ever got near you or your child again (likely in an effort to squeeze another dollar out of your pocket an into their non-profit trust account).
My message to you is this: cancel your subscriptions to the National Organization For Women’s mailing list, close your accounts on Jezebel and Feministing, and join the dark side because you will likely find that your new life as an activist and non-custodial grandmother who will likely rarely see her grandchildren is best served here on A Voice For Men.
And remember all those things your feminist co-conspirators told you about your ex-husband or boyfriend, how he is a likely rapist, domestic abuser, and child molester? Yeah well, you just remember that because as they took your money and time then, they have every intention to tell the custodial mother of YOUR son’s child the same thing about YOUR son.
Enjoy your stay on A Voice For Men.