Privileged or Oppressed?

Editor’s Note: Social. Justice. Warrior.

Taken as individual words these are all things that humans can find admirable. Put them together and they become something entirely different. A Social Justice Warrior (SJW) is a passive-aggressive entity that claims moral high ground over the surrounding infidels by competing over who is more ethical.

It is passive because they accept everyone with love and understanding. It is aggressive because no one can ever be as humble and as loving as them: and that means YOU! No matter how kind and giving you are you are scum because someone else has it worse. If you can’t understand that to be true it makes them really happy because your idiocy is more fodder for their self-righteous rant.

This is a race to the bottom that no self-respecting person can win and they designed it that way. The only way to defend yourself against an SJW is to fashion a sword of self loathing and plummet from the depths of your despair so that you may be reborn as a martyr on someone’s Facebook page. The battle will never end until we are all slobbering fools with no dictionary.

Social Justice Warrior (SJW) : All right folks, line up in single file and I will look at you to decide if you have privilege. First person, step up!

Leo: Hi, how are you?

SJW: White. Male. Privileged! Check your privilege!

Leo: I’m from Argentina, and my family was left destitute by the monetary crisis…

SJW: I said, check your privilege!!!! Wait…are you queer?

Leo: Well, yes…

SJW: My mistake. You’re oppressed!

Leo: Actually, I’ve never felt…

SJW: You. Are. Oppressed. Next!!!

April: Hi!

SJW: Black Female. You’re an oppressed victim!

April: Uh, excuse me? I’ve been on the Cleveland police force for ten years and I am nobody’s vict…

SJW: Next!!!

John: How are you, ma’am.

SJW: White. Male. Privileged! You’ve had everything so easy!

John: Lady, I grew up dirt poor in western Kansas.

SJW: Are you queer or disabled?

John: None of your damn business.

SJW: Check your privilege white male oppressor! Next!!!

Janice: Nice to meet you!

SJW: Asian. Female. Oppressed. Stand over in that corner, with the feminists.

Janice: Uh, I’m not a feminist.

SJW: You’re a woman. You are feminism and feminism is you.

Janice: I’m a Christian, and my husband and I believe in traditional gender roles.

SJW: You’re brainwashed and need feminist enlightenment. Get in that corner!

Janice: I have a master’s degree in Russian Literature and speak three languages; do I seem brainwashed to you?

SJW: (Pause) War On Women! Smash the Patriarchy! Check Your Privilege! My body my choice! Next!!!

Kylie: Hey there!

SJW: Hispanic…and transgendered. Oppressed! Your opinion matters a lot!

Kylie: Actually, I was born in Greece. And what gives you the right to judge people based on their appearance? Don’t you think that’s kind of discriminatory? Why not treat people like human beings and let everyone have a say? You sound like one of those flaky Social Justice Warriors on Reddit.

SJW: Stop stereotyping me!

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