So you say there’s a marriage strike? Apparently, men in increasing numbers are refusing to be the good little appliances society demands of them, and are not settling down to their traditional roles of protector, provider and general disposable human. Indeed, this has been a well know secret, talked about in mainstream media for at least a decade, and shows no signs of abating or slowing.
Some within the men’s human rights movement have even coined terms to describe men choosing such a self preservative path in life. Men going their own way, or zeta males. The publisher of this web-site is one such man, as is the author of this article.
In July of 2011, AVfM published an article of mine in which women’s penis-wanted advertisements were examined. Since then, a growing focus has emerged in public social commentary from sources such as The Huffington Post, slate.com, NYMag and elsewhere, evidencing a flavor of growing concern that men are opting out of marriage 2.0. “A growing concern” being polite language for the reek of panic.
My follow-up to that 2011 piece has been sitting on my hard drive for more than 2 years.
And here we go.
You must be at least as tall as this sign to ride.
I’m a physically fit, workaholic, non romantic, non spiritual, tattooed opinionated middle aged nice guy.
That “nice guy” part at the end is the kiss of death, I know. If you prefer bad-boys skip to the next meet-and-greet ad, and go find somebody to treat you like crap. I have NO interest in participating in an abusive relationship.
I have no kids, and no debt, and I own the company I work for. I don’t play emotional games or engage in manipulation of the people I care about. I similarly have no patience whatsoever for women who engage in mind games. Sadly, this will rule out most of the readers of this ad. Too bad.
What am I looking for?
A woman who is:
Physically fit (or at least, not a slovenly fat-ass)
Responsible, without being boring
Single, without kids
Open to adventure (read that however you like)
What am I not looking for? Which is to say, what qualities are deal breakers? What characteristics are so repellent that they will disqualify you from any consideration as even an acquaintance with which to have a drink? In short, for women who’ve read at least this far –anything you find in the next paragraph describing you is your signal to leave this conversation without delay.
Of course, I don’t mean anything in the next few lines makes you a bad person. It just makes you somebody I don’t want to meet, or see, or talk to. And please, don’t let my disinterest cloud your optimism, I’m probably a bad man. Maybe even a libertarian.
Deal breakers: If you find yourself described below, this is not the ad for you.
Too young ( under 30 )
Party girl, or heavy drug user
Married or attached
A religious fundamentalist
A husband seeker
That wasn’t so bad, was it? Just a short list of disqualifies.
Of course, if you’re still reading, you can win bonus points if you are any of the following:
Oh, I see some people scrunching up their faces and making the “eeeeewww” noise. Get over yourselves Pollyannas. Everyone looking for a prospective partner for going on picnics, and playing penuckle also wants to get laid too. Perverts are simply more creative and enthusiastic about it.
Further bonus points awarded if you are a Happy Camper. This shouldn’t be difficult to understand. I prefer being happy, and so, I find myself entertained by most of what I experience in life. Entertained rather than, say, indignant, outraged, bitter, or complaining. Happy campers know something that other people apparently don’t know. I wont bother explaining what that something is, only that happy campers go to the front of my queue.
Bonus points if you pursue a scientific hobby. It demonstrates interest in the world beyond the study of one’s own navel.
Bonus points if you commute by bike. Oh, and this isn’t some hippy save-the-planet motivated item. It’s simply more fun.
Bonus points if are a lover of zombie-cinema.
Super extra bonus points for ninjas and pirates.
Lastly, my ad includes a picture, your reply should do the same.
The last of the deal breakers in my ad was “A husband seeker”. I trust nobody reading this actually needs an explanation of the repellant character of modern marriage for self determined men. Marriage strike anyone?
But recalling that I wrote this meet and greet ad over two years ago, my thoughts have evolved in the intervening couple of years. That ad of mine, written as a hypothetical posting to meet-and-greet reflects a hypothetical desire to date, or have some sort of a girlfriend. Ha!
This brings to mind a conversation I had with a friend. I ran into him at a cafe near my home, where he joined me at my table with the following question. Asked in a trinidadian accent : so man, how many women you got?
The question was posed to me based on my demeanour as my friend perceives it. Relaxed, cheerful and imperturbable. His logic being, one must assume that I am as cheerful and relaxed as I am either because I have one or more girlfriends, or that such demeanour attracts women. It probably does, but I don’t really know. My answer to his question surprised him.
Him: “So man, how many women you got?”
Me: “what? I don’t have any women”
Him: “but you always so relaxed”
Me: “ and why do you think that is?”
At this point, he laughed, and several other men who had been covertly listening to the conversation gathered in obvious interest in our exchange. As my friend questioned me, I explained myself as well as I could.
I talked about the gun in the room, which is to say, the ever present social menace of proxy violence toward every man in a relationship with a woman.
I talked about my own view of “dating” as an ongoing job evaluation, where nothing is ever good enough, and for a man, the socially normal climate is that he’s done something wrong, somewhere, and that she’s not happy, and he’d better atone. I think I even mentioned the cultural zeitgeist in which shame is what every man is supposed to feel about his own sexual identity. I might have mentioned my utter disinterest in that too.
I talked about sex, and it’s easy availability outside of any “relationships” or “marriage” – and why that is no incentive to sacrifice peace in your own life just to get an occasional leg over.
I talked about reproductive rights, specifically the total lack of such for men in our culture.
I don’t have a “girl friend”, I don’t date, and I have no interest in changing that state of affairs, ever.
And my friend, who knows nothing of “John the Other” or this site, or the men’s rights movement – he agreed with me on every point and announced to all in attendance that I was a very smart man.
He also noted that we’d better not tell his wife any of this, or he’d be in deep sheep dip. He was not joking.
I’m not any smarter than my friend. I have simply evaluated what I’m constantly told I should do, what I should think and what I should be, and decided it’s all a bad bet, and a transparent scam. I’m a man going his own way, and all those dating ads, and admonitions to do X , or Y, or Z to attract the attentions and affections of a date or a girlfriend or a wife have just become the noise of mosquitoes. I can hear them, but they wont be ruining my camping trip. And of course, if you want to come along, you’d better measure yourself by the height of the sign before calling.