We were recently shocked and appalled to learn that atheist blogger and secularist political activist Justin Vacula was associated with the grotesque, hideous, deplored-by-all-decent-humans site known as A Voice for Men. This site, run by unapologetic Harrison Ford fan and practitioner of the dark art of psychology Paul Elam, is a steaming cauldron of woman-hating, cheese grating, rape culture, grape vultures, spouse beating, kitten eating, and more. Possibly worst of all, while it has yet to be proven definitively, there is substantial reason to believe that the site harbors among its contributors and commenters unapologetic philatelists and numismatists.
Being patriotic, God-fearing Americans (and patriotic God-fearing America-lovers from Australia, Canada, the UK, and other parts of the world), we believe strongly that the likes of Justin Vacula, who published an obscene, disgusting essay suggesting that some people calling themselves feminists are known to practice censorship, should not be allowed to work side-by-side with the decent God-fearing folk at the Secular Coalition for America.
The truth of the matter is, as everybody at the Secular Coalition for America should know, Justin Vacula has a last name that rhymes with “Dracula” and as such is a very obvious tool of Satan. And in case my fellow Christians who tremble in fear of The Lord in all his Holy Wrath have any doubts, I wish to reveal that last night Our Lord shared with me a Holy Vision:
Jesus Himself personally came to me in a dream to reveal that he can’t stand that fucker Vacula. Further, Jesus told me that if America is to get back to being the kind of place the Founding Fathers envisioned when they copied the words of the Declaration of Independence and the U.S. Constitution word-for-word out of The Holy Bible, and get back to determining all our laws by the Writ of Divine Law and Patriarchy Theory, we must oust anyone who would dare to question Holy Feminist Dogma on any significant matter in any forum, but most especially from a site full of kitten-eating philatelists like A Voice for Men.
Then in that same holy vision, my brothers and sisters at the Secular Coalition for America, I must tell you that Satan himself appeared to me and, laughing maniacally, said “you cannot stop me! My agent Justin Vacula will destroy all white privileged heterosexual females who call themselves feminists. And eat kittens while doing it!”
“GET THEE BEHIND ME SATAN!” I screamed, clutching my copy of The Feminine Mystique in one hand and the Holy Bible (King James Version of course) in the other, and used them to beat Satan and his dark minion, John the Other, away. Both disappeared in a puff of smoke, but their laughter still echoes in my ears. My spine is shivering even now brothers and sisters, EVEN NOW! So I know what we must do, and I know you do too!
Secular Coalition for America, you love Jesus don’t you? Well Jesus loves kittens, and every time Justin Vacula speaks at a Secular Coalition for America event, or on behalf of the Secular Coalition for America, he eats a kitten! And Satan does too!
You love Jesus just as much as I do I’m sure. Or at least you love kittens, don’t you? Don’t you? Well the fact is that the people at A Voice for Men don’t just eat kittens, they put kittens in blenders and make kitten smoothies! Paul Elam told me so himself! And serves them over ice with his friend Justin Vacula, who sucks them down while kicking puppies!
Here at A Voice for Men, we would never associate with any group that would have anything to do with a disgusting kitten-eating Jesus-hating web site, a site that is known to criticize feminists and conservative traditionalists alike, such as A Voice for Men. No decent human being at all should associate with this site–ever! Especially the Secularist Coalition for America, which stands for the fundamental values we all hold most sacred and holy!
We thus urge all readers to sign this petition, put together by privileged white woman Stephanie Zvan, to immediately ban Justin Vacula from the Secular Coalition for America. If you love America, if you love Jesus, and especially if you love kittens, I say you have no choice but to immediately sign!
I was delighted to see that they allow anyone who signs to comment on why this issue is important to them. Here is what I said when I proudly signed it:
“As Managing Editor of A Voice for Men, I am shocked and appalled whenever anyone associates themselves with a disgusting site full of kitten-eaters and philatelists like A Voice for Men. Ban Justin Vacula from SCA, in Jesus’ name amen!”
I urge all readers of this web site to sign this petition immediately. I also note that you are allowed to leave a comment saying why this is important to you, so I suggest that you may wish to add the following reasons for your support:
“Because Jesus hates Justin Vacula.”
“Vacula rhymes with Dracula and is thus a tool of Satan.”
“Feminism is holy dogma and should never be questioned by any decent God-fearing folk. God bless the USA!”
“No feminist should ever be criticized about anything, ever! Misogyny!”
“God told the Holy Prophets we will never get back to America’s true purpose in spreading the Holy Gospel of Patriarchy Theory if we don’t ban Vacula from SCA!”
You may of course add your own reasons, but we suggest keeping them tasteful and focused on the fact that Justin Vacula is a kitten-eating tool of Satan who is hated by Jesus. Because that, I think, is the take-home message we can all agree on.
PS: Satan’s Minion John the Other also endorses signing the petition. We think this is his effort to trick you into not-signing. Don’t be fooled by his demonic trickery! Sign the petition NOW!, and get all your friends to do so. And please feel free to share in the comments here the reason you gave for signing, just as I did, so the God-fearing folk at SCA will know that we totally support the privileged middle class white women of the SCA who are offended when someone dares to be critical of another privileged middle class white woman in America! (Did I say privileged? I meant oppressed middle class white woman. I think. Well either way, does it matter? There are kittens at stake!)