In one of our backchannel discussions here at AVfM the talk turned to the question of whether MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) were failing those in their number who were succumbing to biological urges and becoming husbands and/or fathers. To be fair, the MRA who raised the question also included PUA (the Pickup Artist community) in his critique but as I am a MGTOW who eschews social contact with women I’ll confine my response to the MGTOW perspective.
I’ll leave the person critiquing MGTOW unidentified for now but I welcome that MRA’s comments and/or responding article, should that MRA wish to come forward with such.
I grew up with an excellent father who died when I was age 16. I am a lifelong MGTOW who nevertheless personally experienced the importance of having a good father in my life – and the pain of losing him.
On the surface, the MRA’s critique struck me as absurd. Catholics don’t teach Catholics how to be good Protestants. Alcoholics Anonymous doesn’t teach their members the joys of binge drinking. Likewise, expecting MGTOW to support and validate those putative MGTOW who violate MGTOW precepts is prima facie lunacy.
MGTOW reject marriage as a dangerous trap for men with no discernible benefits either legal or emotional. Likewise, fatherhood in modern society has become a cruel ploy to turn men into slaves – involuntary cash dispensers for feckless baby-mamas. Fathers – even those that love and care for their kids – face real jail time as the penalty for those who rebel or are unable to pay. This is the functional equivalent to a form of slavery where your children are turned against you.
Instead of what should be the joys, personal validation and community utility of fatherhood, it has become now little more than the prospect of being raped in prison. No thanks – and fuck off – say MGTOW, and rightly so.
Nevertheless, men’s biological impulse to enjoy sexual intercourse (sex), form enduring pair-bonds (marriage), and sire and rear healthy, happy children (fatherhood) are not easily dismissed or flicked off like a switch. I feel such urges like any healthy man does.
MGTOW communities exist in part to help men fight these destructive behaviors and channel those urges into safer, more personally productive pursuits.
Some MGTOW, like the YouTuber known as Sandman, also speculate on ways that these urges can be made safer for men using ideas like legalized prostitution, effective and non-intrusive male birth control technology, legal paternal surrender, adamantium-clad prenuptial agreements and pregnancy surrogates (both women and artificial wombs).
Men denied their basic male biological functions naturally seek innovations that could allow men to safely engage in sex, marriage and fatherhood without the current pitfalls for the unwary.
Of course, slaking the needs of men is still not safe and indeed, thanks mostly to the work of feminists conjoined with gynocentric traditional politicians, relief is unlikely to happen in the near future, if ever.
Consider prostitution: driven largely by useless, sex-negative radfem harridans, efforts to legalize prostitution are moving in the wrong direction – enterprising, voluntary working girls are being lumped together with involuntarily victims of sex-trafficking in narratives about the supposed evils of paid sex. This false equivalence is both misogynistic – it denies the intrinsic personal agency of voluntary women sex workers – and misandric in that it criminalizes men’s sexual desire and practice.
The customers of prostitutes – chiefly men – are being criminalized for what would be legal, consensual sex if the exchange of money were not a part of the process – or, alternatively, if marriage were.
Consider the state of birth control: although new polyurethane condoms are a superior alternative to latex, condoms remain a clumsy, intrusive and pleasure-impairing experience for both men and women. The dream of a “male pill” for birth control remains illusive and even if realized will not stop the transmission of diseases such as AIDS.
Abortion and legal parental surrender remain rights for women only, and feminists, for all their bullshitting, useless blather about dictionary equality, absolutely refuse to consider equal legal rights for men in those areas. It will never happen with them in charge.
Expensive prenuptial agreements designed to protect men from alimony whores are cast aside routinely as unfair to women.
Likewise, women pregnancy surrogates can renege on their contracts, keep the child and extort child support from the sires. Artificial wombs are years away and will be only slightly less ruinous price-wise than those wombs with vaginae attached.
Planning for failure
The only way for men to win the game of being a man in our society is not to play.
Now, when we consider the implications of men not playing society’s gynocentric sex games, abstinence-only sex education comes to mind – it is an idealized program that works only in fantasy lands like the Vatican, Texas and maybe Antarctica. Okay, it doesn’t even work in those places, either.
Should MGTOW face the repugnant idea that some of our brothers will be overwhelmed by their biological urges and lose their red pill wisdom to the purported “one good blowjob” that a nefarious feminist might hypothetically use to subvert good MGTOW? Should we somehow support and even celebrate those wavering MGTOW who would betray core MGTOW principles and engage, and even marry, women?
I have to admit that I am torn by this question.
I love my MGTOW brothers and I trust almost all of them to do the right thing as best they understand and are able.
However, a few well-known MGTOW have proven to be bad apples – apexuals who retain competitive and dominating behaviors that are pointless and counterproductive in men that have forsworn slavery to the approving glances of women. Their understanding and commitment to MGTOW ideals is sloppy and lacks self-reflection.
Such MGTOW are rightly called PIGTOW: they do not grasp the truth that MGTOW who seek power and acclaim are no MGTOW at all but pretenders to the name that give all MGTOW a bad name.
In a similar vein are the faltering MGTOW still in slavery to their biological urges, who continue to consort with women and daydream about finding a “NAWALT” (from the phrase “Not All Women Are Like That”) – an exceedingly rare woman who (it is supposed) rejects gynocentrism and feels a genuine, durable compassion and devotion to men.
I am torn between compassion for these MGTOW and the need to maintain clear standards for what MGTOW aspire to be.
Thus, I conclude that the MGTOW community should encourage men who adhere to the ideals of MGTOW to actually practice them:
- No marriage, ever. There is no point to it and no benefit from it. If a woman wants marriage she can go marry herself – you should not care what she wants.
- Seeking the approval or validation of any woman is contemptible. Strip them of their power to shame you – being insulted by a woman is a mark of efficacy and helps liberate all men from women’s control.
- Dating, sexual intercourse and causing a pregnancy are strongly discouraged. Occasional slips can happen (so keep condoms handy) but should be minimized or avoided if possible.
- Take all precautions to protect your assets and yourself. Women will harvest you economically and destroy you personally, without hesitation or regret, if given the chance. Remember, men owe women nothing at all.
- Be prepared if a woman tries to rape you. Women always feel entitled to use and discard men’s bodies without consent and they reject entreaties to stop their raping behaviors.
- Displays of power, social dominance and wealth are dangerous and unseemly as they confirm gynocentric cultural norms. Wear threadbare, unfashionable clothing and shoes as a form of social camouflage.
- Excess work productivity that supports a gynocentric welfare society should be curtailed in favor of other, more pleasurable activities that do not aid general prosperity.
- Being poor, or giving the appearance of poverty, are excellent deterrents to women’s interest in you.
- Self-reliance, self-sufficiency and mastery of self are good but do not flaunt these traits in the presence of women – use them to set an example to other men.
- Resist your instinct to protect women: don’t white knight – putting yourself at risk to aid a damsel-in-distress supports gynocentrism and invites them to abuse and exploit you. Go play a video game instead – let her solve her own problems if she can.
- Gender roles are meaningless and it is harmless to either observe them, or transgress them. Don’t stress out over them either way – it is not worth the aggravation. Treat them as mild amusements if you think about them at all.
- Exercise compassion for men and set a good example of how a liberated MGTOW should act and be.
- If you must interact with women, record the interactions electronically and keep the recordings forever. This will impair their ability to abuse you with lies and false accusations.
- Avoid being alone with women in your workplace or home. Public contact only, and then only when necessary.
Many movements, social or religious, are torn between a slipshod evangelism that underplays key aspects of the movement, and a puritan fundamentalism that runs roughshod over evangelism.
I try to hold myself harshly to my ideals while I practice a firm compassion for those that see things differently.
This balance works for me. A fair hearing of it is all I ask.