Letter to a friend at war

This is a letter written for a personal friend of JtO. The man to whom this is written is presently entangled in what is turning out to be a nasty divorce. He is a decent, honest man who unfortunately has not yet taken what we call in the MRM world, “the red pill.”  As the author of this piece I have replaced personal references with nonspecific place holders for two reasons; to protect the identity of my friend, and so that others still living in a blue pill reality may hopefully benefit from the story.

[dropcap]M[/dropcap]y friend, you are in deeper trouble than you realize. Even after the discussions we have had, you haven’t yet grasped just how totally fucked you are. First, however, I’m going to define a couple of terms . The preamble to this letter refers to you as a man living in blue pill reality, and you might wonder what in the world I’m talking about.

You are what active members of the Men’s Rights Movement call a “blue pill” man. This is a shorthand expression which refers to the greater majority of the western world – and reflects a view held by many MRAs (men’s rights activists) that the assumptions most people hold about the social reality of their culture are wrong. Not just wrong in the sense of error, but wrong in the sense that western culture operates along a set of deliberately misleading mythologies.

These mythologies are maintained and reinforced through modern media, including television, advertising, popular music, movies and literature. Almost everyone participating in the reinforcement of this cultural narrative is also wholly invested in the “truth” of this understanding of social reality – which is to say, broadcasters, musicians, artists, advertisers and everyone else contributing to the reinforcement of the mainstream understanding of our culture all believe they are telling the truth. It is the view of MRAs, including myself, that most people are substantially in error in this understanding.

You’re in the middle of a divorce, which is to say, you are in the middle of a fight for control over several important areas of your life.

[unordered_list style=”tick”]

  • Your stewardship of your children’s futures
  • Your past earnings
  • Your present and future earnings
  • Any property you own – including real estate, businesses, or other assets
  • Responsibility to service a substantial debt that you may not have created
  • Your freedom from imprisonment (no, I’m not kidding)
  • Your physical health
  • Your mental health


Any of these items could be stolen from you permanently, through the process of your current divorce. Your stewardship of your children’s futures, stolen from you. Your past and future earnings, stolen. Are you paying attention?

I’m sure you recognize that this would be a bad outcome – but you probably still think the destruction of your life is not overwhelmingly likely. This is why MRAs like me call guys like you Blue-pill’ers.

I’m sorry about that if it sounds condescending or offensive, it’s not a personal insult – however, you’re already at war, and you don’t have the luxury of a slow or gentle introduction to any of this. So let’s jump right in – what follows are a list of facts you may find uncomfortable, but which you must address as cold reality, almost immediately.

[box type=”download” icon=”none”]You are not going to win.[/box]

This doesn’t mean you should consign yourself to defeat – no. Simply that entering this fight with the assumption of victory is a very bad plan. You’re going to take a terrible beating, and it’s going to cost you more than you yet realize. However – if you go into this fight informed and armed – you should survive without losing everything in your life. Survival with a minimum of damage to your life is a good, practical goal.

She is not the woman you married. That lovely, wonderful woman you fell in love with is gone. The woman you’re fighting now might look like her, but that’s where it ends. She doesn’t love you, she doesn’t like you, and if she could get away with it, she’d run you over with a Challenger tank. She is playing to win, and so far, doing a better job of it than you.

[quote float=”right”]She doesn’t love you, she doesn’t like you, and if she could get away with it, she’d run you over with a Challenger tank. [/quote] Do you think I’m going too far? She’s already tried to have you arrested. She’s fucking another guy and flaunting it in front of you. She’s taking your kids out of the country every second week – and she’s flaunting these facts because she knows it will upset you, and that the courts will overwhelmingly take her side in any argument. She just spent the weekend waving her new boy toy in front of your dad for fuck’s sake. She is telling you in capital block lettering written across the sky: FUCK YOU.

She is also attempting to provoke an emotional reaction from you. Any reaction you give her, she will use against you. If you get angry, she will use this as “evidence” that you abused her during the relationship. If you refuse to respond with emotion, she will fabricate a narrative in which you abused her through emotional isolation. She will tell these stories in court, and the court will believe her.

The. Court. Will. Believe. Her.

And not just the court. She’s going to poison all your mutual friends against you using the very same tactics. What’s that? She wouldn’t do that to you? Attention, Dumb-Ass: She’s already fabricated false charges of assault against you – and she wasn’t arrested for false accusation, was she?

She might also manufacture a story of your abuse of one of your children. The young one is pliable enough, 6 weeks away from Daddy and she barely knows who you are. How tough would it be to convince the child to fear you? And if she accuses you of rape, well then, you’re cooked, old son. The police will arrest you and perp walk you before any legal or evidentiary inquiry. And you’ll never see those kids again.

This probably all sounds pretty horrible, and only an amoral monster would do such things. I must be wrong, because your ex-wife might be rather difficult to deal with lately, but she’s surely not a monster.

Well, here’s the thing. We’re presently living in a culture in which women do not have accountability. For the past 50 years any time a woman misbehaves, commits a violent crime, acts like a wild maniac or a vindictive child – or otherwise does harm – our society fabricates an excuse. That is the red pill reality about which the blue pill world is largely in denial.

[quote float=”left”]Normal women are the ones who cheer and giggle when the discussion turns to Lorena Bobbit or Katherine Becker severing their husbands’ penises. [/quote] She’s not responsible because she was abused. She’s not responsible because she was suffering from postpartum depression. She’s not responsible because she was intoxicated. She’s not responsible because she was suffering from PMS. She’s not responsible because her father abused her, or maybe he was too nice to her.

The list of fabricated excuses our courts will generate is endless, and a long list of examples can be found with 10 minutes of skimming news headlines. One of those excuses will likely be the one that undoes your entire life.

Little girls in western societies are socialized without a strong sense of personal accountability. And “normal” women are the ones who cheer and giggle when the discussion turns to Lorena Bobbit or Katherine Becker severing their husbands’ penises. When it comes to getting what she wants at your expense, your lovely and charming wife will not be stopped by any ethical limits.

Now, you told me today you would be meeting her for a final, in-person lunch. For closure, or to say goodbye, or for a civil parting of the ways or some such, and I recommended in strong terms that this was a bad plan.

I understand that you’ve lawyered up in the last two weeks. Hasn’t your very expensive legal counsel told you to terminate personal contact with the woman who fabricated charges of assault against you? If he hasn’t told you that yet, ask him why not please. Then fire him.

You also told me that you had to conduct this meeting in person because it was the honorable thing to do. I hope you recognize the personal restraint I have exercised at this point in the discussion by not accusing you of intellectual defect.

My friend, you are fighting by Queensbury rules, like a civilized gentleman – except that your opponent is an MMA fighter, it’s a street fight in blood alley, there are 3 dozen interested bystanders with bats and knives, and they’re not on your side. And you want to be honorable? FUCK!

Please re-read the bulleted list at the beginning of this letter my friend – that is what’s at stake. Fuck your honor, you can’t afford it. You will win this only by surviving and prospering. Thank you for your forbearance, and your kind attention.

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