G’day blokes and sheilas. As you can see by the fact that my name is at the top and bottom of this page, I am the Shit’ouse Bandit. That does not mean I steal things out of shit houses. Matter-of-fact, I leave things in them, and not just what the regular bloke leaves in there when he pays a visit!
I am leaving a message for my mates in the Top End, (that’s Queensland in Australia) and I’m telling them that their rights are, in fact, human rights, and I’m directing them to this website.
Now, I gave this shit’ouse business a lot of thought, and I came up with a bloody good list of reasons as to why stickers in shitters are a top-shelf idea.
So point your skull-globes[1] at this lot mate:
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- Stickers in male shitters wont be ripped down by female feminists;
- Shitters are places of respite for blokes to relax, gather thoughts, get refuge from a nagging missus and ankle-biters[2] (and of course places to murder a brown snake);
- It targets precisely the audience AVfM is attempting to help. Blokes in need of taking a load off;
- The public dunnies are cleaned only once per week see, so stickers will last at least that long – possibly longer as cleaners are so lazy they wouldn’t work in an iron lung;
- Shitters are places where men actually stop and focus for a few minutes while they do their business (unlike on public lamp-posts that people walk past in a hurry);
- It’s easy to paste stickers without being detected;
- Large numbers of blokes visit public restrooms.
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Now that is really the short list. I can think of a lot more reasons for gangs of shitter bandits to roam the Australian landscape on a Walkabout[3] in search of a shit’ouse or two that could use a little colourful sprucing up, if you know what I mean.
Enough of all that now. I want you to get a sample from a couple of nice shitters I recently visited. And I don’t mind saying that the stencilled version was a Shit’ouse Bandit original. I’m hoping it meets your approval, same as the others, aye?
Ooroo.[4]
[1] Eyes
[2] Kids.
[3] Aboriginal rite of passage involving wandering the landscape on one’s own during a time of spiritual awareness.
[4] Goodbye.
