Despite research demonstrating women enjoy better overall health and longevity than men, they spend considerably more on health care – mainly treating dubious disorders. Healthcare spending constitutes 1/6th of the United States economy. More than half our population is female. Considering these plain facts, it is clear why medical care practitioners seldom address the psychosomatic and/or self-inflicted origin of much female illness.
They can’t afford to alienate the golden goose.
An incomplete coverage of these “ailments” and their etiology include the following:
Premenopause, menopause and post-partum depression
This combination of ailments exposes a woman to decades of misery requiring much male sympathy and attention. Sadly, she is often unable to work or conduct herself productively or operate in an emotionally stable manner as a result.
Hormones are usually the alleged causal villain and disguise themselves in the form of hot flashes, mood swings and excusable poor behavior. Billions have been spent treating this non-life threatening collection of maladies. Women tell me that the onset of premenopausal symptoms is appearing earlier than in the past, furthering their suffering.
Untreatable Depression
This ailment is most often linked to the pressures of being a woman, exasperated by the failings of a particular man.
Constipation
This disorder is often discussed on daytime television. If caught early, it is treatable with colon cleansing. The modern woman’s demanding “on the go” lifestyle predisposes her to constipation as well as the previously cited untreatable depression. Consequently, women suffer a lifetime of unpredictable discomfort. Strangely, poor diet and a sedentary lifestyle are seldom mentioned as causal factors.
Diarrhea
This malady plagues many modern American women as evidenced by daytime television commercials. Housewives are particularly susceptible. If untreated, this illness quickly ripens into a self-diagnosis of Krohn’s disease. The etiology is always stress and never improper diet or lifestyle.
Hemorrhoids
Another debilitating disorder with a stress related pathology. Many women forced to work in air-conditioned offices become afflicted.
Fibroids
This phenomenon is heart wrenching. While they are painless, unnoticeable and rarely require removal they are nonetheless worrisome and demand much attention and conversation. Nearly 100 percent are benign being the equivalent of an internal wart. Fibroids are found in the breast, and all over for that matter.
Menstruation
The mother of all maladies. Severe untreatable cramping which dominates so much of a woman’s monthly thought calendar that merely anticipating it gives rise to a second disorder, PRE-MENSTRUAL SYNDROME. Two weeks of every month are hell because of it. Eventually, pre-menstrual syndrome becomes replaced with pre-menopausal symptoms.
Backaches
Back spasms are stress oriented resulting from over-work and lack of male appreciation.
Headaches
Immobilizing migraines are stress oriented resulting from over-work and lack of male appreciation.
Biological Clock Complaints
Women are punished by this reproductive issue due to the lack of financially eligible men available for marriage. Another causal factor is the misfortune of not becoming “inadvertently” impregnated by a wealthy man. The inability to conceive through deception is compromising since sperm banks cannot be compelled to pay child support.
Hysteria (Anxiety Neurosis)
This is a condition which is treatable and manageable, but not for women. Symptoms include irritability, nervousness, lack of sexual interest and a “tendency to cause trouble.” A century ago the treament protocol was “pelvic massage” to induce orgasm. Today, the modern American woman merely needs to get laid and will find relief by the insertion of a penis into her oral or vaginal cavities.
Unattractive/unfuckable women can enjoy self-treatment through the use of an electromechanical vibration device. Such a devise becomes a romantic companion to difficult unmanageable women or those who are too angular in appearance.
Women afflicted with Hysteria sadly never suffer in silence. Directly or indirectly, her pain is transferred to a neurosis-free man.
Feet Problems
The modern American woman spends considerable time, money and energy on her feet. Despite this investment, she often requires the specialty care of a podiatrist. Toenail fungus, ankle displacement, corns…bunions and onions frequently maim her. Medical treatment alleviates her conditions, however there is never a correlation between hard high-heel fashion shoes and foot maladies discovered. Frequently, new shoes need to be purchased to combat the discomfort.
As a reward for their hard work, women frequently pamper themselves with visits to a toenail salon. Here, it is quite common to hear women discussing matters of lofty academic and social interest with their toenail technician. The pedicurist is always a woman of deep intellect, high moral standards and conversational on any subject. She is most comfortable discussing law, medicine, economics, politics or her divorce.
Sometimes, the artistic abilities of the toenail technician are overestimated. Obese women with enormous feet, elephant toes, crusted heals and tree stump ankles believe this specialist can beautify their feet. These woman should never wear flip flops publicly so not to inflict nausea on men forced to view these deformities. They need to be cognizant of the fact female Fred Flintstone feet are offensive.
The American female footwear industry without question exposes the child-like mindless materialistic nature of the modern American woman. In one of my few defenses of lesbians, the “male” partner always wear comfortable shoes.
Skin conditions
Skin blotches, acne, dry skin/scalp, dehydration, age spots and premature wrinkling all requiring the care of a dermatologist. Research in the past few decades have found women often suffer from pre-cancerous sunspots. This can be particularly worrisome for a man since his significant other is forever living potentially in a pre-terminal status. She consequently requires much attention, sympathy and support.
Remedies for these ailments always require the application of costly high-end topical creams or frequent facials. Sadly, women befallen with skin maladies often reasonable Charles Bronson in drag. Despite this, they should always be encouraged to seek care regardless of cost even if plastic surgery or botox is necessary. Men should also realize these conditions are never the result of chemical pore-clogging cosmetics, excess sun tanning or failing to remove their make-up after a “hard night.”
T.M.J. (Lockjaw)
Temporomandibular Joint Disorder particularly afflicts married women. It causes radiating pain and headaches which subsequently prevents a married woman from pleasuring her husband. Oddly, single women in dating relationships seeking to induce a victim into marriage, seldom suffer from it. After a woman’s bears her first child, the onset and incidence of incurable T.M.J. spikes. A man is told to take comfort in knowing that if it weren’t for lock jaw, she would be orally amusing him often.
Other Fictitious Female Maladies
Gynecological issues such as uterine problems, vaginitis, feminine dryness and odor. Any complaint originating from the vaginal cavity unrelated to pregnancy is suspect.
Varicose veins and other varicosities such as spider veins. These are purely cosmetic, painless and never terminal. There is no need to call a priest.
Undetectable circulatory disorders such as cold feet resulting from “peripheral artery diseases.” This disease was manufactured by the pharmaceutical industry and marketed by Madison Avenue. Women became afflicted shortly thereafter.
Gastrointestinal complaints, such as acid reflux and diverticulitis. Their symptoms are arrested easily with simple dietary modifications.
Faintness, dizziness.
Maniac disorder.
Sluggish Thyroid. This is always the alleged trigger for irreversible obesity, not diet.
Chronic fatigue or pain syndrome.
Bursitis or boneitis.
SUMMARY OF FICTITIOUS FEMALE MALADIES
The prevalence of these maladies timely correlates with the feminist movement and the advent of the modern psychotic American woman. Men need to be aware of these fictitious conditions as being purely psychosomatic in nature at best. These sicknesses serve as common medical excuses for the performance of expectations. This is the female equivalent of malingering which enjoys a secondary gain of sympathy and attention. For example, many of these maladies tend to manifest themselves when a husband is in an amorous mood.
Women from previous generations never complained of such nonsense, despite many of them occupying positions of privilege and wealth.
Under the assumption everyone of these maladies exist, I often wonder how third world foreign women survive past their 21st birthday. How do these women bear children, raise families, tend to donkeys, milk goats, grow vegetables and hand wash cloth diapers without the benefit of medical specialists? Most women in the world survive without psychiatrists, dermatologists, podiatrists, gastroenterologists, gynecologists, prescriptions, Macy’s or Estee Lauder. In addition, men must possess iron anti-bodies since these conditions never befall them.
I believe the psychosomatic origin of these ailments will be better appreciated when anatomists finally discover and chart the direct nerve that runs between the psychotic American woman’s brain and her cunt.
That man will be a nobel laureate.
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