The Oscars (statues presented annually by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences) will be awarded on Sunday, March 2nd.
The Thelmas are awarded annually, too, by the MHRM for feminist films (real, imagined, or amended) that have done the most to drive gender justice over the cliff:
This year’s nominees are:
Starring Desiccated Valenti (she of the “dry gulch”). This 5-part oeuvre goes beyond the familiar acronyms (SNAFU=Situation Normal, All Fucked UP and LOL=Laughing Out Loud) to the feminist. That is: BTFU=Back the Fuck Up!
Part I focuses on Ms. Valenti’s exasperation when she finds her computer data has— YET AGAIN!— been corrupted. She writes a note to herself on the wall: “Back the fuck up!”
Part II is advice given to a pegged lesbian “wide receiver” to “back the fuck up” when her partner presents a salacious strap-on.
Part III is a plea to wimmin world-wide to support other loony lasses, like psycho-sista Prof. Gail Dines: “Please, back the fuck-up/dingbat.”
Part IV deals with Thelma’s reaction when she finally does the math and sees how high the cliff is (“Back the fuck up NOW, Louise!”). Finally…
Part V deals with a cursed guardian angel. A former feminist, she is punished in the after-life by having to constantly whisper in Ms. Valenti’s ear, “Byotch, that’s fucked up!”
23 Years A Slave: A Divorced Father’s Fate
A supposedly free man, while on a trip to Separation City, is captured by feminist federales. He learns that while married hombres are obliged to care for their kids only until they are 18, his now-ex is forcing him to pay another 5 years…including college. Soundtrack by Devo (“Whip it!”)
Yet another too-trusting beta-boyo boater gets captured by feminazis on the Ovarian Ocean. Luckily, the MRM marines arrive in time, rescuing him from the high-seas harridans. The Poonani Pirates are subsequently marooned on Bonobo Island, where females are expected to do all traditional male jobs (like coal mining, Internet creating, and flatulence emitting ). As the movie ends, the entire feminist population is seen outdoors: shivering and whining…lacking food, heat, shelter, children, men to blame, and Oprah re-runs.
Cavity: The Search for Male Assets
A never-sated divorced momster has the NSA perform a MMAP (Monetary Martian Anal Probe) on her ex to dig out any remaining money…and/or remnants of his dignity. The gravity of his plight is lost on other males who think only rabid guys get reamed.
Debbie Does Dallas: Buyer’s Remorse
A feminist does reverse-cowgirls with sundry sports teams. When her husband espies online evidence of her whorerific behavior, she claims the Gatorade was spiked. Miraculously, others suddenly become responsible for her choices: half the NFL is arrested, hundreds are put on waivers, even more placed in sex-offender registries. Meanwhile ,The Debster nets millions in patriarchal compensation and moves to Femlandia with her 700 cats.
Despicable Men, Part Deux
Women’s groups seduce Federal agents, photograph the philandering, and force them to host the Blame Games. Fierce, feisty fembots in Femerica then set out to capture, jail, and punish all males for daring to breathe, sport danglers, and rape Ma Earth with plows (supposedly to feed folks: yeah, right!).
Earnest or Celibate
Western males are forced to attend womandatory courses in cash creation. They learn that if they failest to earnest sufficienteth moolah, they will be denied entry to Poonani City. That is, supposedly equal wimmin will not only close their minds, but their legs, if guys don’t bring enough bling.
There’s trouble right there in River City as teh wimminz threaten to play rigged pool games using severed testicles. Luckily, the MRM arrives on the scene: a badass band of 76 trom-boners .They also play chin music on some demented demoiselles who soon pine for lost the daze of whine-and-roses.
Her: The One Never Blamed
A thoroughly modern woman, born without the responsibility gene, demonstrates how vaginates are never held accountable. The film begins with a near-endless list of duties females duck (frontline combat, steel-making, road construction, test-piloting, etc.) and ends with feminists demanding women run everything since, well, they have no experience.
Inside Loony Davis
A documentary, this film explores the gender gap. That is, the void between feminist ears. It explains women’s movement mysteries in simple layman’s terms. Like why we smell smoke when a feminist tries to think. And why female academics get headaches when they sit too long.
Iron, Man (Then Do the Dishes!)
This historical survey shows how modern males became domesticated. We learn how feminists transformed the descendants of Genghis Khan into today’s 101st Diapers-and-Dishes Division. It explains how guys went from manufacturing tanks to giving thanks whenever “She Who Must Be Obeyed” pats their heads.
The Wind Rises: Feminist Filosofy & Flatulence
An average Joe, thinking he’s attending a focus group for new, improved Beano, mistakenly walks into a Gender Issues forum. He stays because he mistakes the hot air emitted by feminist fundamentalists for normal fundament emissions involved with legume digestion.
She-wolves on Thomas Ball Street
After a distraught father kills himself, packs of wild feminists proceed to tear his reputation to shreds. They show no mercy, howling at the moon and to media moonbats. They demonstrate, once again, that males are demons unworthy of empathy. Real wimmin don’t care about men who die protecting female suffrage. Instead, they focus on grave matters…like entering a room only to see two others wearing your dress style. Rated VI (Vomit-Inducing).
The Invisible Woman: When Responsibility Calls
A modern-day Diogenes wanders the land looking for an honest feminist. He learns that supposed “super women” treat responsibility like kryptonite. That is, they flee it like Hillary does spotted blue dresses.
Prisoners: Married Men in the West
(Original title: The Penile Colony). This tragi-comedy compiles familiar family farces. Like all-powerful men begging for beer money and macho muchachos sitting in Time-Out chairs before being allowed to watch ESPN for 15 minutes. A father living in Indiana is shown on all fours, mowing his lawn with toe-nail clippers, while his wife sips cosmos on his saddled back. “Hoosier Daddy?”
Now, feel free to contribute your own reviews. Use current nominees, or films from other years, or even make up your own…like:
EXODUS, Stage Left!
A rabbi, fed up with his nagging Yeti-of-a-yenta wife, chooses art over alimony. He moves to an island off the South Bronx, changes his name to Gaugin-with-the-Wind, and becomes a guru to Galt-going goyim everywhere.
Joe versus the Volcano
An AFC (average frustrated chump) struggles valiantly, but in vain, to find peace while married to a volatile bipolar bimbo.
The Man Who Would Be King
A fetus named Martin Luther spends month-after-month in Uteria, hoping the lone female sheriff holding him captive will let him leave alive.
The direction in which Family Court judges advise their male victims to insert their rulings…as in “Up yours!”
The Magnificent Seven
A choir of pro-male women gather at the Temple of the Male Mensch. They kneel before a statue of a 7-foot-long schlong and sing its praises.
A near-70 chubby, cankled Clinton enters the political meat-grinder. Empowered by her philandering husband (Bubba-the-Boinker) and coddled by white-knight reporters, she is shocked to find herself grilled by MRAs, MGTOWs, Go-Get’em Galts, and non-sycophant media.
Here’s a site for other 2013 movies:
Finally, here’s last year’s offerings: