Eating while MGTOW: The Sizzle of the Lambs

When I’m not biting the heads off kittens, you are likely to find me standing with a smokin’ hot flame on my right and a very tasty little lamb chop to my left, both of which are about to make me extremely merry. Pull your heads out of the gutter, guys. We aren’t talking about THAT kind of flame, nor THAT kind of lamb chop. This is, after all, about satisfying the primal urges of the man who isn’t wasting his resources on what could be a futile attempt at achieving satisfaction from a tasty little lamb chop. This recipe should shock even the most vocal feminist into silence and satisfy the Hannibal Lector in all of us. It is best when eaten rare and can even be served with fava beans and a nice Chianti.

August Løvenskiolds latest offering managed to smoke out my better nature by reminding me that BBQ season is nigh and that it may be time for me to blow a little smoke of my own. In the world of BBQ, there is BBQ and there is BBQ. Purists will tell you that BBQ is low, slow, indirect heat and smoke. But in the broadest sense, BBQ has come to mean nearly anything cooked outdoors (and sometimes indoors) over an open flame. Accordingly, there are actually three ways to do BBQ: grilling, smoking, and slow roasting. Most of what we call BBQ is some combination of the three. August’s slow roasted ribs are a prime example. He roasts them over indirect heat for 2-3 hours and uses smoke as a flavoring ingredient. I’ll leave smoking for another day, but it is an even longer process where smoke not only adds flavor, but is used as a preservative. But grilling is what most folks think of when BBQ gets mentioned. That’s my topic today.

Grilling is a hot and fast cooking process using direct heat. It is best done with charcoal or wood fires, using hardwood (such as oak, mesquite, or fruit woods). While the kind of wood can be important to the flavor, the smoke doesn’t have time to penetrate the meat the way it does in longer cooking methods. This makes marinades, seasonings, and sauce more prominent as flavoring ingredients. Obtaining a charred outer crust is another way to enhance flavor.

The key to good grilling is to start with the meat or vegetables, whichever the case may be. What you intend to grill dictates everything else. My opinion (and yours may be different) is that the best lamb chops for the grill are the smaller New Zealand or Australian chops. They are smaller because the lambs are slaughtered younger. Because they are younger, they don’t develop as much of the gamey flavor that turns a lot of folks off lamb. Besides, enjoying underage lamb won’t entice local law enforcement to invite you to dinner at the big house for the next several years, although any officers called to the scene might think dinner at your house is warranted.

Once you’ve purchased your lamb chops, you may want to French them. Forget it guys, Frenching lamb chops has nothing to do with… well whatever you think it has to do with. Frenching, in this context, means to remove the fat and cartilage between the rib bones, giving them a nice clean look. If your ribs have come in a full rack, it is easiest to French them before cutting them into chops. But most likely, they will have already been Frenched so all you need do is trim any excess fat, then cut them apart.

Next, prepare the marinade. This not only adds flavor, it helps to reduce the gaminess, if done properly. At the hotel where I learned to prepare what many said were the best lamb chops they had ever eaten (and others said was the only time they ever liked lamb), I used a mint, lime, & cilantro salad dressing because that’s what they wanted me to use. But I figured I could do better, so one day when there was no dressing, I improvised. There was no going back. For one or two racks of chops the following should do:

1 Tbs each fresh parsley, cilantro, and rosemary, finely chopped
2 Tbs mint leaves, finely chopped
Juice of 1 lime
½ tsp Dijon mustard
1 clove garlic, minced
1 tsp onion, minced
Pinch salt, pepper
2 oz olive oil, extra virgin

Combine all but the olive oil, then whisking quickly while slowly drizzling in the oil. Don’t stop whisking. What you want is to emulsify the mixture. Normally oil and water (or lime juice) mix about as well as a feminist and a frat boy, but with the addition of an emulsifying agent (mustard) and rapid motion, you can force them together against their will without worrying about any false allegations to create a pleasantly creamy marinade. If they don’t emulsify, oh well, you can still use it to marinate your chops, it just won’t be as cool. Hint: if you want to begin your meal with a salad, make a little more to use as a dressing and set some aside.

Toss the chops in the marinade until they are well-coated. I like to refrigerate them overnight, but a couple of hours will suffice. Before grilling, shake off any excess marinade.

Once you’ve marinated your chops, you should be ready to light the grill. Paul’s method works well. So does August’s. I would caution against using any chemical starters because they can get into your food. I also caution against using pre-treated ready-to-light charcoal for the same reason. Let the charcoal burn for about 30 minutes or until white-hot. In the meantime, prepare your potatoes and veggies.

I like to use small potatoes (red, gold, or purple) because they cook faster. Coat them lightly with oil, sprinkle with salt and pepper, wrap them in foil, and place them directly on the coals. Roast until done. Time can vary from 30 minutes to about an hour. Unwrap them, smash them, and drizzle with garlic butter before serving. Start the potatoes 20-30 minutes before grilling the veggies.

Slice an eggplant lengthwise (aubergine to our European friends) into ¼ to ½ inch thick slices. Do the same for a zucchini. Coat lightly with olive oil and season with salt and pepper. Lay the veggies across the grill and cook until done, turning once about halfway through. They can be served as is, but if you enjoy fava beans, cut the veggies into bite sized chunks.

While the veggies are grilling, open a can of fava beans and dump them into a small saucepan. Heat them over the grill with some stewed tomatoes and a bit of fresh oregano, salt, and pepper. Drain the beans when hot. Stir in the grilled veggies. You can grill a slice of onion and clove or two of garlic with the other veggies if you like and add them into the mix.

But, if you prefer, corn works extremely well on the grill, but I prepare it somewhat differently from August. Leaving the husks attached at the bottom, gently peel them back on each ear. Remove the silk, brush with a little butter or olive oil, then season with salt, pepper, and granulated garlic. Pull the husks back up and place them on the grill. Turn as necessary to keep them from burning, but a little charring is a good thing. Remove the husks before serving.

The chops cook quickly. What you want is to char the outside while leaving the inside nice and rare to medium rare. For this the coals need to be really hot. If you are bold and daring, place the chops directly on the coals, otherwise lower the grill as close to the coals as possible. If placing the meat directly on the coals, gently and carefully blow away any ash (it doesn’t taste good). But be careful. Putting your face too close and blowing too hard can cause burns to the face and eyes. If the coals are good and hot, a couple minutes per side and they are done. No sauce necessary, but a drizzle of the mint, lime, and cilantro dressing works. However, getting mint jelly anywhere near this should land you in prison for rape where hopefully you will share a cell with Dr. Lecter.

Some previous entries in Eating (While) MGTOW:

Recommended Content