AVFM First Annual Occidental College Accuse-a-thon

Every human being, at least the decent ones, should have a New Year’s Resolution that serves women. Around here, ours is to put an end to the virulent pandemic of rape, against women, that has made western college campuses literally gauntlets of sexual danger and violation for women.

The incidence of rape of women has exploded violently, because men, since it was determined that college women have no agency, personal accountability or the basic competence to make sexual decisions after ingesting undetermined amounts of alcohol. Fortunately, men are happy to assume agency-built-for-two in these matters, shouldering the responsibility for women’s choices, even when they are just as intoxicated as women.

There remains one glitch in this equation, though. Women are indeed so bereft of agency and self-responsibility that, much like children, they cannot be expected to follow normal channels of crime reporting, e.g. telling police, presenting evidence, etc… We must provide them an opportunity; an instrument to make accusations that is both remarkably facile, and, most importantly, does not burden them with the weight of autonomy or adulthood.

Because rape culture, patriarchy, and misandry don’t real.

Occidental College has ingeniously come up with a solution, herein after referred to as “The Tool.” Using the cutting edge and highly secure technology of Google Docs, Occidental created a rape reporting form that overcomes many of the common problems encountered by non-adults when faced with the dilemma of wanting to report a crime but not wanting to offer any evidence that said crime actually happened or be inconvenienced with being present for an investigation.

There are three key elements to the form that make the tool so valuable.

  1. Complete anonymity. The accuser does not have to be burdened with revealing who they are or standing behind their accusation in any way.
  2. No evidence is necessary. That is right, none. Luckily false claims never happen because no one lies about rape. Ever. For realz.
  3. The accused, henceforth referred to as “The Rapist,” will be called to the carpet by university administration. That is stated on the form itself. All the rapists at Occidental will be put on a list so that the school will know who is running around raping women.

Other benefits of The Tool also serve the school, which has been in trouble with Title IX compliance for allegedly (it must be true) not reporting rapes that happened at the school.

There has been some objections raised to The Tool, all of them by misogynistic, kitten eating reprobates known as MHRAs, that by allowing anyone to accuse anyone else of rape anonymously without evidence, that it will not only cause innocent men (oxymoron?) to be tracked and monitored as sexual predators as a part of their academic life, but that it will also undermine the perceived legitimacy of rape victims who actually come forward and offer evidence of the crimes against them.


Unfortunately, we cannot kill MHRAs (or more correctly we cannot mandate that they identify as dead in the life-death binary) until there are further revisions in the criminal code. So, in the meantime we will have to settle for reminding society over and over again that all claims of rape should be treated the same as a conviction. If she said she was raped, and even if she didn’t as in the case where mutual intoxication leads to “sex,” then he is a rapist. We can’t prove it in a criminal court, but thanks to university honor courts we don’t have to. The word of the rape victim, hereinafter described as “she” will be summarily accepted over the word of The Rapist. Duh.

And at AVFM, we want to help with this noble effort, which is why during the auspicious month of January, 2014, we are sponsoring the first ever Occidental College Accuse-a-thon!

Please do your part to help Occidental satisfy gender ideologues and to comply with the mandates of Title IX, by reporting all rapists using The Tool. Report often and with enthusiastic brio. You can report with the knowledge that you are going to please a lot of people invested in high numbers of rape reports as well as some elements in the federal government who have paperwork that MUST be completed!

There will be prizes for those who do the most work: An AVFM T-shirt for the highest number of reported rapes. Just check the total number of male students and staff at Occidental before you file your report. We don’t want those MHRAs accusing you of exaggerating, do we? Win a coffee mug with logo for the most creative rape scenario. Raped in class during at lecture at the feet of your professor? Report it and start sipping that AVFM cup of java! Raped in class BY your professor? Get TWO cups!

Finally, we have the category for most important perpetrator. A sports coach ranks near the top with a free AVFM mouse pad and beer koozie. A dean, any dean, will get you a red pill hoodie. And finally, any alum now sitting in political office gets you a genuine ceramic, somewhat German-looking stein, sharpie autographed by the entire management team of A Voice for Men.

The best part of this contest Is that we are playing by the same rules here that Occidental is playing by when it comes to impacting the lives of their young students. You don’t have to prove you made the reports. We know people don’t lie about such things. So, if you say you reported, by God you reported!

But seriously, folks, there really is no contest. There are no T-shirts, hoodies, mugs or beer steins to give away for spamming this outrageous form. There is, though,  very much a rape form at Occidental College that is one of the most shameless acts of academic and bureaucratic sloppiness, arrogance and callousness I have ever seen.

Occidental has opened the door to the most casual and arbitrary methods of systematically abusing male students. By actually acting on accusations that are levied with no proof, without even the identity of the person making the accusation, this school has crossed a line from which it should be forced to retreat. Either that, or people of good conscious should, by whatever means are necessary, ensure that this form is crippled to the point that it cannot be used to persecute innocent students.

It demands to be sabotaged.

If the satire is lost on you and you require further, more explicit explanation, you will find it here. If you want to see dissent, from even joking about doing this, you can find it at Raw Story, which of course came out today and did its best to misrepresent why MRHAs object to this form.

In all fairness, Raw Story is not one bit less scummy than the Occidental College Administration that is allowing this obscenity to be acted out at their school.

Do what you want with this form. The data they gather from it means nothing except in its ability to harm innocent people and undermine the credibility of all victims of sexual violence. It is an abomination.



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