Ladies, I have a question for all of you. In fact, this question is a big bigger than just me, casting about for an answer. It’s a serious question, and needs a real answer. Indeed, it’s a question other men in your life deserve an answer to, as well. However, unless any of the men in your life are MRAs (wouldn’t you be lucky) then the non MRA men in your life are, in all probability not only too terrified to ask you, they are too terrified to even conceive of the question. Nevertheless, they deserve a real answer from you.
The question, ladies, is what are you doing about the gun in the room?
Of course this question by itself is going to need some unpacking. A vast majority of you ladies, when asked this question are likely to respond with some variation of “what gun?”
This is the metaphorical “gun” of proxy violence placed by the consensus of our culture in the hands of women, and pointed by that same consensus; squarely at men in any interaction they have with you, ladies.
The fact is that a woman can, by speaking a few words, summon violence in the form of police or other chivalry-practicing men. The simplest is an accusation of rape, or sexual assault. Downgrading the scale of possible response, sexual harassment, and so on. In our culture, this is a reliable method to summon and pointing that gun which every woman brings to every conversation with a man. There are some consequences to frivolous use of the gun, but compared to the consequences to the man, the fallout is minor.
In addition to this reality, even without an overt initiation of violence by proxy, an entire cast of characters will enact violence and coercion against men, on women’s behalf, with no direct initiation by those women. Chivalry-practicing men, officers of the courts and family courts, social services employees and many other functionaries will, with even half justified reasoning destroy any man if it can plausibly be justified by the claimed fear of a woman perceived to be under threat.
This is the gun in the room. It is present in every interaction between any man and a woman. It’s a gun pointed squarely at the neck of every man you have an interaction with. And ladies, the grip and trigger of that gun is placed, by cultural consensus, into your hand.
So what are you doing about that gun? What are you doing to put that gun away, to unload it, to take it off the table, and take the every present threat of violence and coercion out of your interactions with your male friend, your brother, and the man or men you may claim to love?
In fact, for what appears a majority of women, aside from an unstated threat of violence-by-proxy, women seem content to structure social and romantic relationships with men through a practical application of coercion and manipulation.
A review of dating advice, written by and for women will indicate a lot of fluffy, feel-good pseudo-new-age you go girl advice. It will also include a persistent thread of male-targeted coercion, psychological abuse, and continuous demeaning comparison to pets and livestock. A good man, boyfriend or husband, apparently is a servile, compliant one. And for those who don’t keep to their assigned lesser station – “we” hope you like the dog-house, and sleeping alone, boy.
And for those who find themselves embroiled in the rolling cluster-frack constituting marriage 2.0, a set of problems exist which nobody seems willing to talk about, or attempt solving, except on “hate-sites” like AVfM. In the interest of clarity, Marriage needs defining before we can seriously address it. Many believe it is the legal union of two people (usually a man and a woman) by which they become a romantic partnership, or a family. This is the popular conception, and it is incorrect.
Although it is two people who form the partnership constituting a marriage, there is an invisible third party present in any such arrangement. This is the state, which manifests as police, social services, child “protection” agencies, legal interveners such as the Elizabeth Fry societies, the family court, and financial institutions who comply with decisions of the family court system. And all these collected entities – referred to by the shorthand of “the state” — are interested parties in the private union between the man and woman who willingly or not, find themselves married in the view of the law. But wait, willingly or not? This is the 21st century, nobody in the western gets married unless they want to.
Unfortunately, lengthy co-habitation of two people is treated in most jurisdictions as automatic marriage. This is simply the functionaries of the state inviting themselves to bring coercion and force into the private relationship of people who might otherwise be friends.
And the coercion and violence by proxy brought by the collected entities we refer to as “the state” is enacted almost exclusively on behalf of women, against men. This is the gun in the room. It’s the metaphorical pistol grip you placed in your hand, and aimed at every man you’re having lunch with today, or sleeping next to tonight.
And, ladies, you cannot have failed to notice the rising public rhetoric of peril from gender ideologues driving our culture’s narrative? On college campuses, we are told that rape culture is rampant. Every single male student is a serial rapist, just waiting to realize his potential. This of course enables the escalation of draconian star chamber policies for dealing with the most specious of sexual misconduct allegation, and the ever rising enforcement, of male criminalization and thought policing. All, apparently, for the alleged benefit of women. Those who are supposedly victimized by their own supreme sexual power.
This is the gun. You have it ladies, our culture has put it into your hands, and pointed it squarely at your male colleagues, your brothers, your sons, and at the guy you wish would get over his social awkwardness and ask you out already.
Why won’t he ask you out? Why are men so chickenshit? Why do men treat you like a bomb ready to explode at any moment?
Well, what are you doing about that gun in your hand?
You might think that gun is conferred into your hand, and pointed at your male colleagues and friends by our society’s unspoken consensus, by forces bigger than you, which you don’t control. So how can you possibly do anything?
There’s a number of things women can do about the gun in their hand, but if the solutions are provided by me, then any pursuit of de-escalation becomes simply a throwaway gesture, serving only to deflect the question, of what You are doing, about the gun in the room, on the table, and in your hand.
What are you capable of doing about that gun in your hand?
Don’t wait to be challenged by somebody looking down that barrel back at you.
You can start by acknowledging that it’s there.