Back in May of last year, I did a video called “You Can Spot a Borderline from a Mile Away” which turned out to be the most watched video on the An Ear for Men channel. In it, I told the borderlines, who I knew would flood the comments, to not bother commenting, that they weren’t welcome and that I would just remove whatever they wrote. I did that for a while, then moved on, allowing their comments to populate the discussion.

Well, a few days ago I got a channel comment asking me to go back and get rid of those comments, reminding me that I had given my word. Indeed, a promise is a promise, so I went back to the comments with my ban hammer and went to work. Now, given that it took me an hour or two to delouse that particular comment section, I figure that I might as well take the opportunity to seize the greater lesson and get another talk for my subscribers out of the deal. And as I read through the infestation of crazy comments, sending everything I spotted to file 13, it occurred to me that there really was some great material there.

Of course, there was a lot of what you would expect from borderlines and women with borderline traits. Lots of poor, pitiful me pleas. Tons of deny and reverse victim order. A plethora of not so subtle demands that the victims of borderline women should just swallow their pain and respond to their abusers by giving them more compassion and understanding than they are allowed to give themselves.

There were the expected charges that my talking about the behavior of borderlines was more stigmatizing of them than their actual behavior; allegations that addressing the sometimes horrific things they do to the people who love them was worse than the sometimes horrific things they do to the people who love them. In other words, it was business as usual on Borderline Boulevard. Nothing new, and quite frankly nothing I had not just dissected in great detail in the video in question. The borderline brigade simply came in screeching and whining, proving I was 100% right about them all along.

I suppose that earns them a tip of the fedora as a thank you, but I will refrain from that as I don’t want them to confuse that with an invitation to come into this article to spew their bile. I am typing this with one hand and holding my ban hammer in the other.

Now, onto something more useful. As I was reading through the comments, I also noted a common theme among many of them. It was one variation or another of the insinuation that I had been hurt by a borderline woman and that I was now taking my anger about it out on every borderline in the world. About the fifth or sixth time I read one of those comments, the essential need to address it in a talk dawned on me.

I mean, like the rest of the comments, it was nothing new. In fact, feminists have been telling me for years that I was either hurt by my mother or some woman in my past and now I am just taking my hurt feelz and lambasting all women in retaliation. You’re just angry at women converts into you’re just angry at borderlines pretty efficiently. So, that is what we are seeing here.

Now, of course, you’re “just” anything, “just” this or that is a simpleton’s reaction. It’s a convenient way to dismiss all manner of things you don’t want to hear. But for the sake of argument here, and as I said, for the great lesson, allow me to just play along with their ruse.

I am just angry.


So. Fucking. What?

I mean that question literally. So fucking what if I am angry?

Is that your best retort? To acknowledge that I may have suffered some form of abuse; that I was hurt and that now, as a victim of that abuse I have the audacity to speak up about it? That somehow speaking my feelings, which idiot feminists have been sneering at men for decades for NOT doing is now somehow the very thing you want to shame me for doing?

I know, I know, feminists and borderlines, two literally interchangeable labels, never really meant that they wanted men to express their feelings. They only want men to express the feelings that they want to hear. And I will be more specific than that. The only feelings borderfems want to hear men express is anger; outrage and even violence that is directed against the people that the borderfems don’t like. The moment you start expressing anything genuine in terms of your own feelings, they want to stuff a big fat shame sandwich so far down your throat that you can’t talk. Bet on it.

Anyone who listens to the work on An Ear for Men YouTube channel (without their ears being surrounded by their colon) knows that I encourage men to consider grieving losses and moving past their anger in a healthy way. Sorry, borderfems, but that process involves honoring and expressing the anger to begin with. It involves men being open and honest about their lived experience, and yes, even when it is uncomfortable for you to hear. If you can’t understand that, then shut up about mental health issues. You’re clueless.

And this isn’t just a message for the borderfems. I’ll wager that 99 out of 100 men and women need to hear it, too. The world has become far too dependent on men who swallow pain and perform in the service of others. It has branded men’s anger, unless it is used in the service of others, as taboo, just as it has men’s pain and men’s grief.

This entire “you’ve just been hurt by a woman” trick is just another shaming message designed to silence men and to force them to ignore their emotional tumors in order to dote over women’s emotional hangnails. The only sane, the only rational, the only appropriate response to that kind of sick demand is a great big, sloppy wet fuck you.

And perhaps when a man realizes his own worth and delivers enough of those fuck yous, he can start to move past that righteous indignation and into the complete dismissiveness you deserve. Perhaps he will start to remove unhealthy people from his life as easily as, say, I can remove you from the comments to my videos.

Now, have I ever been hurt by a woman? Well, yes I have. Many times. Sometimes a little hurt, sometimes to devastating effect. Do those past hurts drive what I do now? Well, not in the way that borderfems like to fantasize. I don’t have a single ex-girlfriend or ex-wife that I feel any animosity toward at all. No ill wishes, no lingering resentments, no baggage that I need to make another woman pay for. I honestly wish all of them well.

I got there by expressing the anger, by honoring both my wounds and my worth, and by moving on. That happens on my schedule and no one else’s, least of all some borderline woman who has a bug up her ass about anyone speaking the truth.

I do indeed encourage men to consider the cost of their anger, but I am not stupid enough to dishonor what they feel. Take that back, I am not insensitive enough to do that, which I think is pretty good in a world in which men’s anger and pain are a matter of ridicule. And that brings me to why I vow to remove the comments of borderfems, narcissistic, childish women, and yes, condescending, ignorant men who fully represent half of the collective mental illness in this culture that walks the ill-fated path trying to shape men into useful zombies.

My message to red pill men is simple. Anger can be destructive, but seldom as destructive as anger and pain that is denied expression. Anger denied is a pressure cooker. It’s an explosion of violence waiting in the shadows. It’s a man drowning in a bottle. It’s a line of track marks down a man’s arm. It’s a loaded gun pointed at a man’s head in his desperation. There are limits on how anger should be expressed consistent with good mental health, but the time, place and form of that expression is in your hands and no one else’s.

Yet the world around you, for countless generations, has fine-tuned a thousand ways to wrest that control from your capable hands. The most common and most effective weapon used is shame. When you express your anger, which is really expressing your pain, men and women alike will come out of the shadows to send you messages like, “you were just hurt by a woman,” the subtext being that you are weak and unmanly, that if you were what a man is supposed to be, you would not feel this pain, this rage.

It’s a sick game played by very, very sick people who do not deserve space in your head or a place in your life. Ignore them and find a better class of people with which to share your life. Even if all you have is the comment sections here or in other venues on the internet, let it rip. Never let anyone tell you that you don’t matter.

Never let them tell you not to feel.

Paul Elam offers fee-for-service private consultations at To support his video work on YouTube, you can become a patron via Patreon or subscribe/donate here.

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