Ch-Ching!!!
Hey guys, the summer is upon us. Don’t forget to break out your sluttiest apparel to drive the horny toads crazy. Of course the best way to keep these animals from humping your leg while standing in line at the checkout is to throw them a bone – just not yours. But if you do break down and indulge make sure to use at least three condoms, (and take them with you when you’re done). And for God’s sake guys keep a coitus contract in your back pocket. Barring that make sure your cell phone is set to record. Let’s try to keep the false accusations down to a minimum this summer.
There’s been some discussion from the capitalist quarter of our group of phallus fodder to present some products and make some bucks to contribute to the efforts of the head phallus. Since summer is upon us I thought that I might make a proposal for some great entertainment, some educational fun guy style, and some hand shaking to grow our numbers.
I got to thinking about phallus sports and the upcoming summer and thought I would blow this by the group. I’m sure just about everyone has heard of a Tupperware party, or an Amway party, or a lingerie party. If you haven’t, these were parties held by women to sell products, make a few bucks, and network new ideas on how, as JTO puts it, to “fuck your shit up.”
Well I’m a sensitive new age vegisexual, liberated perpetrator. Why can’t I be equal? Hell, equality doesn’t have to be a zero sum gain, without beer.
So I got to thinking what guys might enjoy and I immediately came up with a winner. BEER! Now with my evil conspiring phallus head and unique ability to apply my patriarchy to random oppression, I realized that there is a way to increase the effectiveness of the “urls for urinals” campaign. It was right in front of me all the time, shit the Merovingian even said it in the Matrix. “I drank too much and therefore must have a piss”. Aye, aye, makes sense right?
So I’ve come up with what could be a great step forward to getting men into urinals, getting out the message and generally bonding with other guys in a vegisexual kind of way. Are you ready for it?
HERE IT IS!!!!!!!!!
The summer entertainment venue for men …………………the………………………
I’M NOT GETTING MARRIED…… STAG ….EVENT PARTY. Or, for those more sensitive to the kinder gentler, accusing sex… a jack and shill party. Personally I’ll being using the term STRUTWALK, and describing it as a group of guys getting together to discuss automotive struts. That might leave her wondering, which is even better. Of course you could call it a mini “male summit”
I’m going to sell tickets for 10 bucks each (my real plan is to try and entertain about 60 bucks out of each guy that attends) I’m going to apply for an event liquor license and sell beer at a 1.50 profit. How much beer can 50 guys drink? Kegs will help. I’ll wait about half an hour giving everyone time to meet each other and for late comers to show up. (I will post a sign that says please introduce yourself to as many men as possible) I turned it into a game, where each guy gets a card a pencil and the one who introduces himself to the most men there wins a prize. I’m selling each card for a buck. The winner gets a beer. Then I’ll announce the venue of games and the prizes to be won. I went looking for local business that promote products to men and asked the local knife shop to put together a game for throwing flat knives.
Picture a piece of 4×8 plywood with images of famous feminists.
For a buck a throw I read a famous quote, and if you can hit the right feminist with your knife you win. Or you can throw for free and when you hit a feminist I read a quote, but no prize. (some guys need practice)
Another game is “pin the rape on the perpetrator.” This requires lacrosse sticks which I got from the local sport shop. The idea here is for four men to shoot at the same time (you need colored balls to differentiate) the one who gets the ball through the hoop wins. Or you keep going till one guy wins.
I decided to turn the introduction cards into feminist bingo, and on the back of each card is a female shaming tactic, when you introduce yourself to another guy he reads the shame tactic from his card and you mark it onto yours and vice versa. The first one to call bingo wins. You decide the prize.
The next game is feminist golf. We all know this one, where you play one hole with eighteen drivers. The idea is to putt the hole using a driver, if you make the shot you reach into a bag of golf balls that have numbers on them if you pull out the ball with 18 on it you win. (get these at a dollar store, use a marker)
Note: if you sell tickets, you can also use tickets as prizes. Each ticket is worth a quarter or half a buck. I’m thinking of making this a four or five hour event, with 30 minute intermissions to announce winners, business’s that made contributions, websites that promote men’s issues, and new initiatives being forwarded in the MRM. And (Ron Paul) and (Lyndon Larouche). Larouchepac.com
The next game is called “College Cuckold” this is where you get a card with a feminist factoid on one side and the truth on the other, if you can guess the truth you win a free ticket, if you win 10 tickets, you win a date with Ray Wynn Konnell (I haven’t heard back yet from Ray Wynn but it looks promising). If Ray Wynn is unavailable you will instead win a free diploma to women’s studies, a box of condoms and a coitus contract. Complete with ink pad for finger printing your sex partner.
Now I haven’t come up with any “Primary Aggressor” games yet so if you have any ideas, it would help. Also, consider soliciting local businesses for prizes and promotions; sports shops, electronics stores, sex shops (for a plastic pussy), knife shop or military surplus, extreme fighting stores, cell phone store, and any others you can think of.
Remember this is a good cause, this is the fight to reverse and find a cure for masculine atrophy. You will be educating men about this debilitating disease that attacks 3 out of 4 men without a mangina. You’ll be sharing valuable information, networking with potential perpetrators and primary aggressors in your community and sharing a beer. We need to develop this into a professional party for men, at least equal to those dieting fat groups that would say things like “see you lighter.”
Except as men we will part company by saying things like “so long” or “see you longer” or “long time no see(men).” All proceeds can be forwarded to the head phallus or various phallus’s working toward a better outcome for men.
Shit if we could pull off ten strutwalks every weekend from various states and cuntries, we could open a safe house for male victims of domestic violence and their children. If every party tried to raise $2500.00, we could even hire some lawyers or some lobbyists from “SAVE.”
If we could turn this into a canned operation, with prepackaged games, promotions, literature and instructions on pulling it together we could draw some much needed coin for the war chest.
What do ya say guys, how bout some summer entertainment that includes beer, entertainment, education, and coin.
