We occasionally get comments here from people that think MRA blogging is a waste of time, that we are “just talking,” and nothing more. If you have been around these forums for very long, you have seen your share of those sentiments. From this end, I can tell you I get regular reminders of why this kind of thinking is so untrue. I recently received another one in the form of the following email.
It is, if you follow what he is saying, proof positive of one man’s life changing because of all this “talk.” And from that change of attitude we end up hearing the wisdom of a man who has seen through the feminist matrix and is now willing and able to carry the message in his own way to others. He also offers up some damn good advice, and a promise for the future.
So please, keep those articles and comments coming. Other people may think this is just a bunch of howling wind, and I am fine with that. But the fact is that we are changing lives here, and adding more to our ranks every day, simply by speaking our truths without compunction and in defiance of a world that would rather shut us up.
Well, we are becoming the world, even if it is one man at a time.
So here is the email, which has been edited to respect his privacy. And remember, I have a file full of these that is getting bigger all the time. The MRM is gaining steam, and there ain’t no stopping it.
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Mr. Elam,
You get my blood boiling (in a good way).
I am a 30 year-old man about to finish my last year in law school at [name of school deleted.] I have been thinking about men’s issues for some time, but only learned the word “misandry” a couple of years ago–yet I have felt it nearly my entire life.
I could tell you in great length and detail of my horror stories that are as recent as this past week. I received a demand letter from my ex-girlfriend’s attorney stating that my behavior in trying to get her to contact me and our apartment office and pay for damage she caused on an apartment I live in, that WE previously lived in, that SHE signed a lease on, and then WALKED OUT on, has been “inappropriate and at times hostile.” Also, “[she] is in fear for her safety.” To summarize, it was a letter threatening to sue for harassment if I did not stop contacting her. It was insulting and it made me feel like a creep.
Mr. Elam, I have never laid a hand on a woman. I have never even so much as threatened to do so. I have a mother and two older sisters that I love dearly and who adore me. I have a strong, smart, and loving father who set a great example for me, and I have friends both male and female who know my good character. That said, I have learned from the experience and have few important lessons to share.
First, never leave a paper trail. While the language I sometimes used in dealing with my man-hating ex was sometimes “colorful,” it never rose to the level of threatening or hostile. Still, when the dust settles and a judge or jury have to figure out whether or not you are a danger to women, a cell phone text message or e-mail taken out of context can be incredibly damaging.
Second, if you do receive a demand letter such as the one I received, DON’T GET ANGRY. This was my first reaction. Like I said, the letter was incredibly insulting and the attorney told me to “shape up” and “pull myself together.” He even went as far as to threaten to report my conduct to the State Bar. He forbade me from speaking to her, her family, her friends, or her former classmates (which is strange because they are my classmates as well). After the initial wave of anger subsided I started thinking: why WOULDN’T he write an insulting letter like that? He probably WANTS me to get angry and call her to tell her off. That’s more business for him. This might sound crazy, but if you are familiar with attorneys, especially family law attorneys, this is a perfectly reasonable theory. Don’t get angry.
Third, don’t date or marry female law students or female attorneys.
I tell you all this as a man about to set out into a frightening job market (again) and a man who has learned a few lessons about the state of gender relations in the Western world. Things aren’t good. They aren’t good at all. When I first started thinking about men’s issues, I read a book called The Myth of Male Power. I am sure you are familiar with Dr. Warren Farrell. While I don’t agree with everything Dr. Farrell writes in Myth, it was the first time I had ever read a cogent and well-written analysis of the TRUE state of affairs in the war between the sexes. (It IS in fact a war). Luckily, I happened upon your writing. I read your posts on a regular basis after discovering the podcast that you did. Your writing is fantastic and is truly “a voice for men.” Thank you for what you do.
As a young man still at the threshold of his adult life, I am lucky that I learned the lessons I did before I made a huge mistake (like getting married or having sex with a woman that would falsely accuse me of rape). You have used a word a few times in your writing when you speak of the future of the men’s rights movement: survival. That is an unqualified truth that more young men like myself need to learn. Though it might seem extreme, I have made a few decisions about the way I will conduct my life that I think will keep me out of trouble and allow me to focus on my career and being the best man I can be:
1. I will not get married.
2. I will not date or “subsidize” a woman in any way.
3. I will share my views concerning men’s rights with honesty, courage, and intelligence.
I just wanted to let you know that you have a fan. You can also be confident in the fact that I am a wild fire for the men’s rights movement. Whenever the occasion arises, I am eager to discuss and debate these issues with women and ESPECIALLY with men. Keep up the great work, though I have one request: please think about the young men that could benefit from your wisdom. I read the post you wrote about how not to be the victim of a false rape allegation and I thought it was AWESOME. When the time is right, I will be sharing this information with my two younger nephews (when they are much older).
Thanks again for everything. I just donated through Paypal for your website. It is not much as I am a struggling law student, but I love what you do and wanted to help out in some small way.
