There have been a couple of articles on why the mainstream media is dead wrong trying to blame the Men’s Human Rights Movement (MHRM) for the shooting spree Elliot Rodger went on. The absurdity of those accusations has been led bare by fellow AVfM authors Janet Bloomfield and Luigi Logan already. My goal, in this article, is therefore to highlight some facets that show an infinitely stronger link of the horrendous act Elliot Rodger committed to, no, not the MHRM, but to gynocentrism.
What strikes you when you read up on that young man’s life is that he seemingly had it all. He was certainly good-looking, came from a privileged background, and was highly intelligent. By no means do I want to justify the utterly dark and reprehensible prose in his manifesto, “My twisted world,” but it is safe to say that he was very intelligent. He was certainly more articulate than most of the children of the elite I’ve met in my life.
Eyeballing it, I am tempted to say that he was in the top 1% of the population in terms of wealth, education, intellect, and social status. I furthermore hold the opinion that he was very good-looking. For a less mature audience I would now have to add “not a homo,” but suffice to say that he is far above average. Looking at those factors alone, one wonders what drove him into insanity. He had it all. In his manifesto he recounts a childhood that has very little to do with Joe Average: early childhood in a stately home in England, exclusive communities in California, private kindergarten, elite high schools, celebrity friends, extensive travels.
When reading his manifesto, some traumatic events stand out: being bullied at school, or experiencing the divorce of his parents. I noticed some commenters remarking that feminism is to blame for undermining the family unit, which then would allow you to conclude that feminism is, at least partly responsible, for Elliot Rodger’s shooting spree. This does not seem to be an implausible argument, but this is a tangent I do not intend to follow here.
There had been a rather unfortunate string of tragic events in his life. Elliot Rodger was apparently highly sensitive to the reactions shown by others. Obviously, the divorce of his parents came as a major shock to him, but that was hardly the only factor. His father was, due to his job, often absent, the relationship with his mother was not without problems either, but it certainly pales compared to the extreme levels of emotional abuse his stepmother Soumaya inflicted on him. For instance, knowing about his insecurities, it appears Soumaya relentlessly pushed his emotional buttons:
I had an argument with Soumaya while I was visiting father’s house. It started when she began to boast that my brother Jazz was recently signed by an agent to act in T.V. commercials. She said that by the time he is my age, he will be a successful actor. I talked about how Jazz was already so socially savvy for his age, and how I’ve always envied him for it. She told me he will never have any problems with girls, and will lose his virginity while he’s young. I had to sit there and listen to the bitch tell me that my little brother will grow up enjoying the life I’ve always craved for, but missed out on.
When reading his manifesto, it is also quite obvious that he did not know how to befriend people. Instead, he was expecting things to somehow happen. He does not make a move, even when presented with the opportunity, like when a good-looking girl smiles at him as they are crossing paths on a private beach in Malibu. His inactivity allows him to maintain the belief that no woman is interested in him. Of course, his approach to social interactions is directly influenced by mainstream media nonsense. As a girl, you can lean back and just wait for something to happen. As a guy you are not so comfortable, and inactivity may easily lead to involuntary celibacy.
I don’t want to speculate too much, but it is quite telling that his parents did not intervene when he spent entire days playing World of Warcraft. It is the combination of parental neglect, and his hyper-sensitivity towards social rejection that made it very difficult for him to interact normally with his peers. Are those consequences of feminism destroying the family unit? Sure.
What I found particularly moving was the following part in his manifesto, describing an event that happened when he was 11 years old.
I accidentally bumped into a pretty girl the same age as me, and she got very angry. She cursed at me and pushed me, embarrassing me in front of my friends. I didn’t know who this girl was… She was only at Pinecrest for summer camp… But she was very pretty, and she was taller than me. I immediately froze up and went into a state of shock. One of my friends asked me if I was ok, and I didn’t answer. I remained very quiet for the rest of the day.
I couldn’t believe what had happened. Cruel treatment from women is ten times worse than from men. It made me feel like an insignificant, unworthy little mouse. I felt so small and vulnerable. I couldn’t believe that this girl was so horrible to me, and I thought that it was because she viewed me as a loser. That was the first experience of female cruelty I endured, and it traumatized me to no end. It made me even more nervous around girls, and I would be extremely weary and cautious of them from that point on.
Here was another part in his manifesto that stood out to me:
The way I was treated by girls at this time, especially by that evil bitch Monette Moio, sparked an intense fear of girls. The funny part of this is that I had a secret crush on Monette. She was the first girl I ever had a crush on, and I never admitted it to anyone. To be teased and ridiculed by the girl I had a crush on wounded me deeply. The world that I grew up thinking was bright and blissful was all over. I was living in a depraved world, and I didn’t want to accept it. I didn’t want to give any thought to it. That is why I immersed myself entirely into my online games like World of Warcraft. I felt safe there.
What I found particularly upsetting was the spin of this part on some other website, where that woman now claims to be “devastated,” as her father is cited as saying:
“She’s devastated by this,” the dad said in a phone interview. “She doesn’t even remember this guy. . . . She’s always been the most delicate kid you’d ever want to meet. For him to call her a bully, this kid was really disillusioned.
“She was 10 years old,” the dad added. “He was two years older than her. He was in my son’s class. She was in the seventh grade and he was in eighth grade. . . . Can you imagine a 10-year-old kid bullying a 12-year-old? This little, petite girl bullying him?”
Yes, Mr. Moio, I can perfectly imagine cruel a young girl bullying a young boy, particularly one who is perceived to be “weak”. I think you have to be incredibly naive about the world to assume that girls are always sweet and innocent.
Not to go off a tangent, but I once witnessed a small girl on a playground pushing a boy who was smaller than her, then ridiculing him with the words, “You can’t hit me back because you’re a boy and boys aren’t allowed to hit girls.” Normally, girls chose psychological warfare over physical aggression, though.
With other students bullying him, and seemingly being unable to establish himself socially in school, Elliot Rodger grew up becoming increasingly insecure and feeling like an outcast. Subsequently, he builds up a fantasy image according to which he would finally belong and be one of the cool kids if he only had a girlfriend. The fantasies he describes of how happy his life with a girl on his side would be could be taken from ads and movies, and presumably came from that.
Having no experience with girls, and not really knowing what to do about it, increased his frustration year after year after year. He died a virgin. He never even kissed a girl. Given how prevalent sex is in the media, and how frequently men get told that their entire self-worth solely depends on how valuable they are for women, it is no surprise that men with a more fragile psyche are susceptible to those messages. Indeed, it takes quite a strong will to ignore mainstream media nonsense.
Being inexperienced with women is, by itself, not a big problem. You don’t need to have sex. However, our gynocentric culture heavily promotes the idea that the purpose of every man’s life has to be to please women, in some way or another. Examples are guys who willingly let themselves being exploited by gold diggers, or people pursuing risky endeavors with the hope of high financial gains, which then would give them access to women. No, not everybody shares this motivation.
A very good argument can be made that progress of society has been due to people, mostly men, following their intrinsic motivation. Nobel prize laureates hardly ever drown in pussy. The one exception I can think of is merely confirming the rule — and that guy, Richard Feynman, had a cynical view on women in the hookup culture that was evolving in his day. (In Surely You’re Joking Mr. Feynman! – he stated, “I adopted the attitude that those bar girls are all bitches, that they aren’t worth anything, and all they’re in there for is to get you to buy them a drinks…”)
In the PUA scene it is not uncommon that men spend a large amount of their savings on dubious coaches. They hope that finally, once they get it, women will come flock to them, which will then vindicate their existence. It’s as if without women their life was completely worthless. The question those guys never ask, though, is how they can even know that it is so great to be with a woman. I don’t want to sound too crass, but rubbing one out compares quite favorably to what some women I’ve hooked up with delivered in the bedroom.
Further, what many guys can attest, having a girlfriend or wife can be a real pain in the neck, to put it mildly. If you haven’t looked into the abyss yourself yet, then I warmly encourage you to read some of the articles Tara Palmantier has contributed to this site. No, none of this is an exaggeration. “Cluster B” personality disorders are not the figment of the imagination of a woman-hating patriarchy, but a sad fact of life. In fact, the more women you meet, the more attractive celibacy becomes. There are simply too many damaged women out there.
Again, how would an inexperienced man know that being with a woman is great? The harsh truth of the matter is that they can’t know it. If you point this out to them too bluntly, though, they tend to get defensive. People normally don’t like their delusions shattered. What those involuntary celibate men think they know is a product of the entertainment industry. Sure enough, the PUA industry feeds into the same nonsense and wants to tell guys that they will feel like superstars if they only learnt to get laid, or that having a girlfriend would finally give their life meaning. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Being bombarded with the message that you are nothing if you don’t have a girlfriend, or that you are a loser if you can’t get laid, imposes a serious toll on the mental health of many young men. Virgin-shaming is part of life for many men, and so is having your sexuality questioned by women if you do not reciprocate their interest in you.
Many men have been rhetorically asked whether they are sure that they aren’t gay, just because they so happened to not find a particular woman who fancied them particularly attractive. Just like some women need to learn that merely being a woman is not a sufficient for getting any guy you fancy, so do many guys have to learn that their self-worth is not a function of how many girls they picked up, or how many months or years they spent in relationships.
But what happens to guys who don’t get laid? Many are quite desperate. Some spend thousands on dubious dating coaches. Others go abroad, hoping to have better luck elsewhere. Some fall into depression. The following quote is also taken from Elliot Rodger’s manifesto, but it is hardly the statement of a madman. If you swallow blue pills for breakfast, you likely think similarly:
A man having a beautiful girl by his side shows the world that he is worth something, because obviously that beautiful girl sees some sort of worth in him. If a man is all alone, people get the impression that girls are repulsed by him, and therefore he is a worthless loser.
I genuinely wonder what would happen if we told young men about the possible dangers of getting involved with women: that they may get tricked into pregnancy, that a divorce may rob them of half their assets, that they might have children they come to love only to have them torn from them, that a mentally unstable girlfriend or wife may make them clinically depressed, which might threaten their career, that sex isn’t that much better than masturbation, but just different, that escorts provide a safe and cheap alternative, compared to an abusive girlfriend?
In short, what if the warning messages we share on a site like A Voice for Men where not relegated to a mere niche of the Internet, but part of the mainstream? I contend that we would see a lot less of the mental health problems among young men than we witness today. It might even have helped prevent Elliot Rodger’s horrible killing spree. It might also lead more women to realize that men’s feelings matter too.
Elliot Rodger was not a product of the PUA community, and he was not influenced by the MHRM. If anything, he, and the people he took with him, were a sacrifice at the altar of gynocentrism. As long as we, as a society, don’t make a concerted effort to build the confidence of men, so that they learn that their self-worth is not determined by women, it will only be a matter of time before we will read about the next mentally deranged individual going crazy.
