In the last part of the Zeta Game series, I covered the fundamental concept of hypergamy- the natural tendency in women to benefit from reducing men to a purely utilitarian role in their lives. I also touched on the notion that the innate programming in men to protect and provide (and thus compete for women’s attention) plays directly into the hypergamous gambit, most often resulting in men participating in their own misuse and exploitation.
In short, the way men compete for a higher rank among women is to place their blood, sweat and assets, even their own bodies, at the woman’s disposal- no matter how capricious or trivial her desires may be.
The fundamental problem with this arrangement is that hypergamy is not guided by any set of constraining ethical principles. It is, in fact, so utterly devoid of a moral compass that one of the major tools in the woman’s hypergamous repertoire is to shame men into sacrificing for them- and to quietly laugh at them as they do it.
We have often seen this referred to in MRM literature as women’s propensity for pathological self centeredness and to get what they want from men by any means necessary- up to and including the use of law enforcement and the judiciary. We have pointed to their “sense of entitlement,” where it concerns their dealings with men, and noted what seems to be a compassionless disregard for the consequences of their selfish actions.
The evidence of this is clear for many men from the most mundane aspects of day to day life, where they are confronted with women who insist on making marriage and home, or even transient relationships, all about them- to family courts where so many women seem to revel in the sight of their families (and their own children) being ripped to shreds simply because it gives them a an opportunity for petty personal revenge- and financial gain.
It is always tempting, sometimes irresistible, to attribute this kind of toxic femininity to the efforts of feminism, consumerism and perhaps some other forms of social malady. But I would argue that those factors only aggravated already existing conditions, and that what we are dealing with here is as natural as rainfall in late spring.
Hypergamous behavior is a product of paleomammalian hard wiring, plain and simple. It stems from 3,000,000 years of successful human evolution, and it is present, to greater or lesser degrees, in the behavior of all women. You can complain about it, look down on it, judge it and hate it all you want, but it is not going to change by trying to reason with it. You might as well be trying to talk someone out of the urge to eat when they are hungry.
I think the truth of this has been such an ingrained part of male consciousness for so long that it has been buried in our unconscious, and we have slipped into the worst coping strategies possible for dealing with it. We ignore it and/or deny it. We even endear and defend it. But what very few of us ever do is confront and control it.
And as a result we are constantly getting fucked by it. Mind you, most of us end up that way by bending over and grabbing ankles without anyone so much as asking.
It may seem like things have been this way forever, but it has only reached really dangerous proportions in recent times.
As long as there were social constructs, e.g. at fault divorce, that required women to set practical limits on how far they could go, then it was a manageable problem. To this extent, we can fairly point to feminists as part of the problem because they were the ones who pushed so hard to uncork the bottle. But as we all know, the contents of Pandora’s Box were all there before it was ever opened.
We could grow old studying and analyzing the socio-cultural aspects of how hypergamy run amok has created an oppressive sexual milieu for men in general, but it is more understandable and, more importantly, productive, to examine it as it plays out in the life of the individual.
It was Roissy, if I am not mistaken, that coined the term “shit test.” And it is an apt description for the first volley in the effort to cast the hypergamous net over a man’s life. By subjecting a man to an unfair or manipulative ploy, a woman measurers her ability to control him. If he reacts by acting like a trained seal, balancing a beach ball on his nose and clapping his flippers trying to please her out of a piece of fish, he is straight up beta material and good for a run at his wallet, even if she has to give up some sex, which she will also use control him.
If he has Game, and slams down effectively on the shit test with a ploy of his own, he is alpha and therefore breeding material. Though of course she will go after his money, too.
But here’s the catch. Either way, the shit tests will continue and be an active part of the relationship. It continues with the beta because he lives on his knees begging her to do it, and it continues with the Gaming pseudo alpha because he responds only with another game. No matter how much he thinks this empowers him with her, he is still dancing the hypergamy jig anytime she chooses. He will clearly do much better than the beta, but his methods of handling the problem will only serve to perpetuate it.
From what I have seen of how non Zeta Game is practiced by its proponents, it takes a real opportunity to intervene on and reverse the shit test- leaving a foul taste in her mouth for her efforts, and instead turns it into a game- with a little g. And it does so with the same lack of values inherent in hypergamy- all to keep the pussy available.
Don’t get me wrong. When confronted with such abject manipulation and scheming from a woman, I am not bashing anyone personally for however they choose to play it. But I am still going to call a spade a spade.
Lying and scheming to get anything is weak. Lying and scheming to get pussy, or approval or to manage a woman’s behavior is even weaker.
I am admittedly old school. I still subscribe to the antiquated notion that my values are the only thing I have that cannot be taken from me. And I also believe that if I give them up for anything, then I never had them to begin with.
So to me the purpose of Zeta Game becomes simple. It is to adopt a manner of interaction with women that unequivocally leaves my values intact. And I have found through personal experience that as long as I am one rigid bastard about that, then some other things fall into place as well. Like my sanity, peace of mind, and yes, my ability to get laid or have a relationship when and if I want to.
All it takes to start is approaching my relationships with women with conviction that they are all completely and totally expendable at any time.
The moment a man finally figures out that the foundation of maintaining his sanity with women hinges on his willingness to let them go, he cannot be manipulated, and cannot be forced to resort to manipulation or dishonesty to deal with them.
One of the best opportunities to challenge his resolve on this is at a moment that happens sometime around the first 90 days of a relationship. I call that moment the Hypergamy Crossroads.
The 90 day number isn’t fixed. It is a general estimate of how long a honeymoon period will last between two people that are new to each other. Most behavior during the honeymoon can’t be taken too seriously, as it’s all fueled by neurotransmitters gone wacko- that have us dancing around acting stupid and trying to do everything right all the time. We like to call it infatuation, but really it is a sort of temporary psychosis designed to cement pair bonding long enough to get a woman pregnant. After all, what is it that you do most during the honeymoon?
But there comes a moment in that relationship, and every man I know who is not totally wet behind the ears, already knows about it.
Things are going along just fine. She like you, you like her, you’re banging each other like rabbits on meth and having one hell of an uncomplicated, hedonistic time.
But then one day you get together and there is something different about her. She seems dark, distant, maybe sulky and morose, like there is something deeply wrong. You can think of absolutely no reason why this should be so, especially as it relates to the two of you, but nonetheless it is.
You have arrived at the hypergamy crossroads, the defining point for this relationship.
Whatever has happened before in the relationship, your decisions here are the first chance you have to set the course for whatever future you have with this woman. This is your first real shit test. And you will know it is a shit test because whatever she tells you is wrong, it amounts to exactly Jack Shit.
You may find that she is upset because you didn’t call her the night before, and you always used to call on Thursdays. You may have mentioned an old girlfriend, even one she asked about, in a conversation a week ago, and now she has decided that is bothering her. Or maybe she wonders why you still want to play basketball with your friends on Tuesday nights, instead of being with her.
But whatever it is, the message will be clear. You are doing something wrong, and you need to fix it. Oh, and that crap about how women don’t expect you to fix problems but just listen to them- shitcan it. Total myth.
She wants this stuff fixed, and just as importantly she wants to feel like she made you do it (control). And the fact that there is nothing that needs to be fixed will have never entered her mind. And unless you are on your toes, it won’t enter your mind either. You will be too busy figuring out a way to make her happy and maintain her approval to notice that her complaint amounts to zilch.
If you miss that, you will miss that this is the genesis of her control over the relationship, and over you. And if you budge an inch, you lose.
Now in this situation, I believe Roissy’s preferred intervention is called “agree and amplify.”
For instance, if she says, “I deserve a man who will give up a stupid game of basketball to be with me,” the response would be something like, “You are right, you do, (agreement) but I am not going to.” (amplification).
It’s a damned good response except for the dishonesty and lack of clarity about who you are. First, does she really deserve someone who will sacrifice an important routine in their lives to spend one more hour with her?
My answer is no. No one deserves that kind of expectation, except royalty, which she may mistakenly think she is. It also, by affirming (the agreement part) her elevated sense of worth, sends an entirely bogus message. If she is worth it, why would you consider saying no?
But more to the point, to agree and amplify is not making any attempt at all to curtail future attempts- or to weed her out of your life. Presuming you are interested in hanging out long enough to find out if she is manageable, I’d suggest a different approach.
My answer would be, “That kind of expectation is out of line. The answer is no, and I hope this doesn’t mean that I will be facing more pressure to sacrifice my personal interests to you, because it is a deal breaker for me.”
Now, these two different responses may similarly appear to shut down the shit test, and both do in their own way. But I prefer the honest and instructive approach. And I have some solid reasons for that preference.
One, with my way you have cut to the core of the problem. The pressure she tried to put on you with her little game of emotional blackmail is now on her. Rather than trying to figure out a way to change your “I won’t” into an “I will,” she now is having to make a choice on whether to pack her bags because the “I won’t” is already settled.
If anyone is panicking at this moment it should be the her. If it is you, then you are struggling with your values. Stop the struggling and hang on to them. Better to let her ruin your day now than to ruin your whole life later on.
Do you want to keep a woman at the cost of her forcing you to sacrifice your own interests? Do you want to be with someone who manipulates and controls you with emotional blackmail?
It’s up to you to put a stop to it, because she won’t…she can’t, on her own.
We attract what we advertise for in life, no doubt about it.
I have talked to many men who vigorously complained about the financial drain that their wives or girlfriends had become. But when I asked them if they set up the relationship by lavishing them with gifts, flowers, expensive dinners, etc., they would get quiet in a hurry.
They did not want to accept that they were paying the consequences for their own actions early in the relationship. They went shopping for a whore and then got pissed off because that is exactly what they ended up with.
And that is a big part of how I see Zeta Game. It is about attracting women only in the most fundamental aspects. All the rest is about screening them and culling out the voluminous amounts of dead weight.
But it does not require you to dream up bullshit retorts, pick-up lines or to toss negs. It requires you to know yourself, to know what you want and assert it with the certainty that if it sends her out the door it will call another, hopefully more worthy example of womanhood right back in.
They are out there, although in small numbers. But you will never find them unless you are willing to let the bad ones scurry out like cock roaches when the lights are turned on.
And those lights being turned on? Those are your values be asserted.
More of this will be explored in the next part of the Zeta Game Series: Zeta Game- Your Wallet, Her Purse.