I have recently be able to resolve a personal dilemma I had been wrestling with for some time. The solution isn’t one I particularly like, but it is necessary nevertheless.
When I took my first faltering steps in the MRM, I initially spent time on various forums where I often found myself appalled by the childish attitudes on display. From the start, I knew in my heart that here was something that I could truly believe in but, at one point, I almost walked away from the whole men’s thing in dismay. I’m glad I didn’t, because it has ultimately proved to be a positive and liberating experience. And I now believe in it more than ever.
However, that there are so many who were emotionally harmed as vulnerable children is not lost on me. There is a sea of lost and damaged men out there. I know; I was one of those and I have the physical scars to prove it.
So my dilemma has always been how to respond to those who represent a “car crash” for us all—those who would selfishly, unintentionally perhaps, derail everything we stand for with their outpouring of misogynistic, self pitying, attention seeking on public forums. Such people are a gift to the feminist media who will triumphantly hold them up as typical examples of men’s rights supporters, especially as we begin to make inroads into the mainstream press.
I have realised, however, that the answer to my own dilemma lay in how the moderators of AVfM’s forum deal with such people. I must confess that, at first, I thought the moderators were being unnecessarily heavy-handed. However, I have come to think differently and I now completely support AVfM’s policy on dealing with would-be trolls.
I only wish there was a better way because I stand for all men and boys. I will also stand for women who have been genuinely subject to injustice and for women who want to be treated as responsible adults rather than spoilt children. But ultimately, what I do I do for the future generations of boys who will one day become men. I put this above all else and, if necessary, I will stand against anyone who represents a threat to this.
I have personally put everything I have into this endeavour—my time and effort, my financial resources, my heart, my soul. I have nothing to gain other than the experience of engaging in life again and my own salvation. So, you see, it is everything and, believe me, I will fight to protect it whatever the cost to myself. I will not see my efforts and the efforts of others splashed to the four winds by selfish and irresponsible behaviour, no matter how damaged some individuals may be.
What we are doing here is more than just some kind of campaign or awareness raising. We are building an alternative culture—a culture fit for the 21st century and a better future for all. And I say that this is something truly worth fighting for. Its organic nature means that it will eventually take on a life of its own and will become difficult for anyone to stop. But until that happens, unless we can effectively deal with those who will hold us back, even if they are suffering human beings, we will forever be condemned to wring our hands while exclaiming, “But what can we do?”
And future generations of boys will be lost.
So with that, I say that if you can’t support us in a constructive and positive fashion, if you can’t put others before your own ego, if you can’t look inside yourself with honesty, if you are not prepared to take responsibility for your own behaviour, if all you can do is to criticise the efforts of others while contributing nothing yourself, then get the fuck out of our way.
