The rationalization hamster, or “Matria Toxicanus”

A field study by the Chairman of The Royal Kitten Cub Clubbing Society, (T.R.K.C.C.S.), Sir Kimski.

During the past couple of years, I have given much thought to the nature of the creature also known as the “Rationalization Hamster.” According to Urban Dictionary:

The rationalization hamster is a legendary creature dwelling deep in the minds of the self-delusional, and is particularly common among young liberal women. From birth, the rationalization hamster enters a symbiotic relation with its host, whereby whenever the host feels a craving to do something completely insane and malicious that will have horrible consequences for everyone in the long run, the rationalization hamster will jump on its wheel and run really, really fast, getting the magical hamster wheel to spin out a long sheet of paper full of neat rationalizations for the ultimately devastating action.

Rationalization hamsters are thought to be a key component in producing liberal scholarly works, particularly those of feminism. Young, liberated women often rely on it to explain their attraction to the asshole who is going to pump and dump them, as well as their contempt for the nice guy who, unaware of the hamster within, strives fruitlessly to gain their true love. Older, liberated women also rely on it for dumping their husbands and using the resulting child support money on jewellery, cars and/or crack.1

It has been a source of constant irritation and frustration for most of my life how women’s choices and bad behaviors have been excused with their ability to tap into the mindset of this vile little creature. It has become painfully obvious to me that most people don’t fully understand the true nature of the symbiosis between the two. In the following presentation, I’ll try to disclose some of the recent discoveries of the true nature of the presumed furry, cuddlesome, and lovable entity most people thought they knew.

I give you the Matria Toxicanus, a.k.a. the Rationalization Hamster.

To provide you all with a better understanding of what we’re dealing with here, let’s take a look at the estimated lifespan of the Matria Toxicanus, along with its way of life, viability, and health determinants.

It starts out as an egg-like attachment to the lower cortex of the brain, where it hatches during the early developmental phase of the host. After hatching, the Matria Toxicanus latches on to the dopamine receptors in the brain of the predominantly female host. Much like the mitochondria found in human cells, this parasite has come under speculation by scientists as to whether or not it has been living in symbiosis with female human hosts since the dawn of the human species or if it has achieved its present-day status and dominance as a consequence of the constant grooming, which mostly befalls females in our cultures. It is, however, widely recognized nowadays that the Matria Toxicanus is passed on from mother to female fetus, exactly like the aforementioned mitochondria.

The Matria Toxicanus has an estimated lifespan that follows the host’s ability to produce estrogen, i.e., they will wither and die when the host reaches approximately 40 to 50 years of age. Estrogens are synthesized in all vertebrates as well as some insects, which the Matria Toxicanus presumably belongs to. Their presence in both vertebrates and insects suggests that estrogenic sex hormones have an ancient evolutionary history.

A brief look at the history of the Matria Toxicanus:

It was originally discovered by Dr. William Claude Dukenfield in 1949, during a study of the role of dopamine in the addictive process. A consistent finding in drug-addicted subjects is a lower level of dopamine D2 receptors. In cocaine abusers, low levels of D2 receptors are associated with a lower level of metabolism in the orbitofrontal cortex. Because the orbitofrontal cortex is associated with compulsive behaviors, its disruption may contribute to compulsive drug intake in addicted subjects. This study explored whether a similar association occurs in methamphetamine abusers. Today we can only imagine his surprise when he initially opened the skull of one of the female test subjects, and this creature, now referred to as the M. Toxicanus, was revealed for the first time. A surgeon involved in the autopsy later explained: “It was staring up at him, with its tentacles latched on to the orbitofrontal cortex, and then it hissed at him!”

Dr. Dukenfield unfortunately went insane from the experience, living out his remaining years in a sanitarium without ever fully recovering from the trauma.

Today we have a far better understanding of the M. Toxicanus and its role in the increasing hatred toward men, along with the rise in irrational behaviors of women in the anglosphere. The M. Toxicanus has become somewhat of a favourite study of most male scientists specializing in the field of female behavioral patterns. We now understand that the symbiosis is biochemically based: the M. Toxicanus provides the host with large quantities of dopamine, persistently provided through constant doses to obtain mood changes, which in return provides the parasite with the “feel-good/-bad” proteins and estrogen it needs to survive and grow. And it can grow to quite amazing sizes, given the right incentive from the parents of the host during her childhood, as well as from the grooming of the host herself at a more mature age.

To fully understand the nature of the relationship between parasite and host, some scientists have compared it to an “interior” relationship between a young boy and his dog. The similarities become obvious, given the significant size of some of the M. Toxicanus specimens recovered. As mentioned, it is a symbiosis based on the mutual exchange of beneficiary biochemicals, and in the more radically attached specimens, attempts to remove the parasite from the host have triggered quite violent and overtly emotional responses. Suicide attempts have not been a rare outcome of this procedure.

It is still not fully understood why the parasite persists to live a hidden existence inside the skull of the female host when it could be benefitting from being connected to the host through an outside exterior tentacle as a fully grown specimen, and thereby follow her around much like the above-mentioned dog to a boy. Speculations have been made that an “outside” existence would render the M. Toxicanus more vulnerable to violent detachment done by other humans, when the behavior of the host becomes too irrational or even threatens the very existence of the host. However, an interior existence seems like the most viable solution to the inherent vulnerabilities of the species, even though larger specimens have been known to grow exterior limbs. The Matria Toxicanus will then grow up to eight legs, much like the arachnids, but so far there has been no proven evolutional connection between the two species.

Let me make it absolutely clear to the reader: there is no way that you can possibly compare a hamster with the M. Toxicanus. The small, cuddly, vulnerable, and cute little creature known as the hamster has nothing in common with the dangerous M. Toxicanus. The description and presentation as a hamster is a predominantly feminist choice,2 with the sole purpose of excusing the dangerous and irrational behavior this parasite is known to trigger in the host. They are not even remotely alike in build, size, or looks. Where the hamster plays on our inherent need for protecting the smaller and more vulnerable creatures, the M. Toxicanus has far more in common with a tarantula in appearance and is at least twice as deadly to anyone attempting to prevent the emotional rush it provides to the host.

Small, beady double eyes look out at you from under a ridge across its body/head, and it has a furry growth on its soft but bony back. As mentioned, the M. Toxicanus comes with eight legs on the grown species, which are usually folded under the specimen inside the skull of the host. It has an additional variety of tentacles of different length and size placed on each side of the body/head. Usually the M. Toxicanus grows to the size of an adult male’s palm within five to six years, but due to the elasticity of the body/head, it is able to envelop the brain of the host completely.

It is a well-known and proven fact today that hosts of the M. Toxicanus have been responsible for matricide, patricide, and infanticide, along with any possible example of violence, self-mutilation, and mutilation of others. Its hosts have a long and substantiated history of causing irreversible harm to the host’s fellow humans, based on the need of the host to validate any irresponsible, irrational, or even life-threatening behavior to and for themselves.

It cannot be overstated just how dangerous this parasite has become in recent years, where it has caused damage to homes, families, property, environment, and the very fabric of civilization. It is rapidly and persistently becoming akin to the Black Plague of the 13th century. And as those more violently stricken hosts have now put an ideology of hatred in place of rational thinking and behavior, M. Toxicanus has become the most dangerous threat to the interactions of humans, along with their mutual relationships, that the world has ever faced.

And in today’s increasingly infected societies, no one can hear the screams of men.


[1] Definition of ‘Rationalization Hamster’ – Urban Dictionary.
[2] Folie à deux – Wikipedia

Recommended Content

%d bloggers like this: