So, you want to be a simp?
A simp, also called a pussy-beggar, a creepy nice guy, or a friend-zoned guy, is a derisive term for a guy who panders shamelessly to women he is sexually attracted to, especially out of weakness or a lack of character. Both men and women cringe instinctively at such men, even if they are handsome or wealthy. The term appears to be derived by back-formation from terms like “simpleton,” and “simpering.”
The spread of this term through blue pill men is the beginning of awareness that the narrative society tells men about what women respond to in term of sexual attraction to men is as phony as Santa Claus.
Recently, I’ve been reviewing some popular articles touting “rules” for male feminists to adopt to be accepted by their feminist masters. I wrote about one such set of rules a year ago and I’d like to cover two more such sets of rules in this article.
In particular, I’d like to contrast the different styles of “rules” between those produced by a certain class of attractive, entitled women and those produced by others.
First, let us cover the list by Derrick Clifton, a serial list-maker whose toothy grin reminds me of the fictional Kzinti rat-cat’s: an aggressive tell.
Derrick’s list is entitled “So You Want to Be a Male Feminist? Here Are 11 Simple Rules to Follow” and has appeared widely at places like Mic and Everyday Feminism. This list is written in a direct, “do this, do that” manner typical of rule-based male hierarchies. Derrick unconsciously adopts the metaphor of a wannabe slave foreman instructing lesser slaves on how to behave in the presence of their masters:
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Understand that women are leading the way and affirm their capable leadership. Don’t assert yourself at the forefront.
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When it comes to issues that directly pertain to women’s bodies and experiences, be quiet and listen.
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Men don’t get to determine if they are “allies” to the feminist movement. Women do.
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Take responsibility for addressing men’s issues with other men, rather than expecting women in feminism to do all of the work.
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Use your male privilege to encourage other men to work towards gender equality under women’s leadership.
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Don’t use the label of ‘feminist’ as a way to try to get women to like you — that’s disingenuous and counterproductive.
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When given opportunities to execute professional tasks related to feminist issues, consider referring other women instead.
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Educate yourself about the history of feminism and how women of different backgrounds have approached the movement.
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Ensure your feminism is intersectional.
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Acknowledge that sometimes, women need opportunities to discuss feminist issues without the presence of men. And that’s okay.
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When women criticize your involvement in feminism, don’t talk over them or talk down to them. Actively listen and be accountable.
This verbose list can be simplified quite a bit if one focuses on the actual actions Derrick is promoting:
Rules 1, 2, 3, 7, 1o and 11: Shut the fuck up. Slaves don’t speak ahead of masters.
Rules 4. 5: Keep fellow slaves under control or you will suffer with them.
Rule 6 Castrate yourself. Masculinity and male sexual desire are bad. See also rules 1, 2, 3, 7, 10 and 11.
Rules 8 and 9: Learn to anticipate the moods and needs of your various masters so as to serve them better.
Ironically, Derrick’s list suggest a good way for male MRAs to infiltrate feminist groups: simply sit in the back, say nothing, and do nothing – the ladies are in command so you are on vacation. Avoid looking at the feminists directly (toxic male gaze) and take lots of cryptic notes. If you are asked to speak, use some variation of “I feel like men have spoken enough, it is women’s turn.” The more reticent but confident and even defiant you seem, the more the feminist women will feel compelled to shit-test you. When they finally become overbearing (and they will), smile, say goodbye, and leave (until next time). The idea is to undermine the idea that men are in any way welcome to feminism even if they are the most passive, worshipful men ever.
Derrick’s translated list makes it clear that feminism seeks to both break the will and test (or even dismantle) the sexuality of men. This is a recipe for societal disaster, of course: without proud, confident, sexually energized men doing difficult and dangerous jobs, society would collapse in less than a day. Interestingly, a new book on men in feminism suggests that the MORE masculine you are, the better:
There are a few guys in the book who are more [conventionally masculine]. Ironically, those guys are probably most successful in the movement, in a conventional sense of success. They tend to be the ones who rise to positions of leadership. They get audiences. People listen to them. And that’s partly because they mobilize that more conventional masculine posture that they’ve developed. That’s another one of the contradictions of experience in the field, I think.
But Derrick is merely the slave foreman of the slaves (or so he wishes). Let’s see what sort of list the slave master herself comes up with.
Emma Watson created a firestorm last year when she birthed the United Nations backed “#HeForShe” movement. Emma recently came out with her own list of demands for male feminists with a much different tone than Derrick’s: Emma’s list assumes that the slaves are under such firm control that milady need only make casual suggestions and her sycophants will jump to fulfill them:
1. It’s ok to let your girl pick up the bill. Oops! “Your girl?” Suddenly male sexuality is back and supported by feminists? This item sounds like a quiet, gentle and accommodating tip for men but in her explanation, Emma makes it clear that it is, in fact, quite bad when men fail to pay the bill on a date:
Before you break out into a cold sweat when throwing down your credit card over the digestif menu, Emma assures that the fourth-wave of feminism isn’t about killing-off chivalry. She says, “just because women want equality does not mean that acts of chivalry towards women must end. Chivalry is consensual and only becomes a problem when people expect things to be a certain way and follow the status quo.”
Emma told the audience a dating anecdote to explain: “I once took a man out for dinner, I chose the place and I paid… and it was really awkward, it didn’t go down well! But the cool thing was we were both willing to have the conversation about why it was so uncomfortable.”
For sexually active men, “awkward” dates mean one thing: no sex tonight. Emma wants the well-trained male slave to note this nuance and always have his wallet out first.
2. You shouldn’t be ashamed to be a feminist. Again, Emma wants you to feel good about your being her slave while obscuring the fact that as a feminist, you are, in fact, her slave and SHE controls the shame-stick and can beat you with it whenever she pleases. Your identity as a loyal slave is your entire purpose for being and you’d better learn to love it. Or else.
3. Got girls in your business? Make sure they’re getting paid equally. Again, the slave mistress needs you to protect the “girls.” How adorable. And manipulative – you must implicitly accept the wage gap lie. The equality façade of feminism slips a bit – protect girls and ignore men.
4. Feminism shouldn’t be threatening. Ignore the men who’ve been victims of the multiple mainstream feminist rape hoaxes and the men would’ve been brutalized in the media and in real life by feminists. Emma warns us that such wrongthink is bad – men shouldn’t care about themselves; only women are worthy of men’s concern.
5. It’s ok for men to cry. [sic] Emma’s perhaps unconscious ploy here is to get her slaves to express their emotions so she can weed out the weaker ones. No amount of feminist bullshit will erase women’s powerful biological imperative to mate with strong men instead of weak ones.
6. Don’t succumb to posturing. Now this rule is interesting and a bit convoluted. Notice Emma didn’t say “Don’t posture” but rather “Don’t succumb” to it. Posturing in men is a form of dominance display whereby men show fitness to appeal to female approval. Again, perhaps unconsciously, Emma is demanding that men not only posture for her, but also that they do it with such aplomb that they don’t succumb to lesser men, nor look as though the posturing was troublesome. Emma’s feminism demands not just masculinity but ubermasculinity in her preferred partners.
7. Sign up in support of the #HeForShe campaign. For those duller slaves who can’t read through her coyness, Emma closes with a direct, self-serving command.
No thanks, Emma. Men are not your slaves, and we don’t owe you shit.
